Because I Love You

I was visiting a friend of mine who is a nut about putting things away but could care less about a few dust bunnies. On the other hand, his partner of 15 years doesn’t mind things out of place but is a clean freak.  (The things you find out when you’re in someone’s home!)

And how did I find out this mole hill of information that could easily become Mt. Everest?  Well, I’ll tell you.  We had walked into the kitchen and right there on the floor was a stray sock.  My friend picked it up, looked at me and said, “I love him enough to take care of this for him.”

That blew me away.  In fact, it blew me back to the previous century.  Two other friends of mine were in a business together.  Businesses are so much like a marriage.  Their business happened to be a boat yard which required someone to take charge of the office, handle orders and matters involving paper work, and someone to be outside to govern placement of boats in and out of the water and following through on work orders. One was great inside and one was great outside.

Perfect, you might say. Nope! The one who was outside would complain that his partner was always sitting down and talking on the phone. The inside man would complain that his partner was always walking around “shooting the breeze”.

I’ve seen that in marriages too especially when one is sloppy and the other neat.   Like the famous Odd Couple.  How do you deal with that?

How do YOU deal with that (or something similar)?  Do you pick up after your mate, suffer and complain about it? Or do you pick up as an act of love? To pursue that point a little further, do you expect a favor in return or do you know, deep down inside, that you are taken care of too and loved for what you are?

I’ve listened to couples bickering, each one telling their story. The amazing part is that both are complaining about the same issue.  “I do all the work.” “What do you ever do for me?”

Why am I writing about this and posting it on a site that advocates marriage?  Marriage includes living together.  Living together exposes differences. Differences need to be accepted and dealt with. Key word is accepted.

Marriage is all about Love.  Love is accepting a person exactly the way they are.  I repeat, exactly the way they are. Right here. Right now.  To quote a line from one of my ceremonies, “Marriage is accepting the incompleteness, imperfections and hidden surprises of the other.”

You offer your whole self to your marriage partner.  You take your partner in marriage in their entirety.  You send out love you’ll get love back. You send out control and you’ll get rebuttal. You send out expectations you’ll get disappointments. You send out acceptance and you ACCEPT YOURSELF the way you are and you’ll be accepted.

I have a friend whom I have never heard say an arbitrary word about her husband. I asked her how she deals with day to day issues like picking up, taking out the garbage, cooking, etc. What arrangements did they make and what process was used to come to an agreement?

I wish you could have seen the look on her face.  I was not speaking Russian or Greek.  She had to mull over the question to figure out what I was asking.  Her answer as to how and why the marriage worked so well was….. (are you ready for this?) “Simple. When either of us sees something that needs doing, we do it.”

They don’t keep score. They don’t make rules. They don’t have expectations. And there you have the best advice for a long, lived, happy marriage.  When either of you sees something that needs doing, do it.

“I love him enough to __________ for him.”  Fill in the blank.

Make Your Day

No, this is not a takeoff on Clint Eastwood.  But wait a minute.  If you think about Clint Eastwood, why is he so special? Even if you are not a huge fan of his, you have to admit that dude has lasted a long time in the movie business and is still going strong.

How does the C.E. concept relate to YOUR wedding and, more specifically, YOUR wedding ceremony?  Clint Eastwood puts his own spin, his own brand of acting, of thinking, on everything he does on the screen.  He considers all the details leaving nothing to chance verified by his directing expertise. 

Put it this way.  Mega time, effort and expense goes into the 4 hour time slot of Wedding Day but how much thought is put forth in creating the ceremony that produces the magic words to pronounce you wife and husband?

Did you notice how weird wife and husband sounded as opposed to husband and wife?  My point exactly.  It’s the details.  I used the same words but had the audacity to switch their order.  The details make the difference between blah and spectacular.

My goal is to see to it that you have a magnificently memorable perfect ceremony.  One that is perfect for you.  To achieve that masterpiece I ask questions.

There have been couples sitting on my comfy couch in my home office who were shocked at their mate’s response when I asked about including a particular component in the service.  At the same time, one would answer “no” and the other would say, “Absolutely YES” producing stupefying looks all around.


For example, recently there have been a few brides who wanted the question “Who gives this woman to this man in marriage?” asked at the beginning of the ceremony.  Usually the father desires that honor.  Sometimes both parents answer.   One woman had her 2 sons respond, “We do.” However, for the previous 10 years only a handful of brides requested the inclusion.  Traditions come back around.  Go figure!

That’s why I love my job.  Its such fun!  I revel in the pleasure of meeting new people with unique points of view.  My focus is always, “What do YOU want in your wedding ceremony?”  Sure, I have lots of ideas but that is all they are – my thoughts.  Those ideas and thoughts do not get incorporated into the service unless the bride and groom totally agree that to do so would reflect their ideals and be a part of their vision.

You could be one of many that have no idea what so ever of what a ceremony is all about, why it is necessary in the first place, and who cares anyway.

That would be like going to a florist and saying, “Send over some flowers.”  Well.  How many flowers, what kind, what budget, when, where…..etc.  Or, “Send me a dress to wear at my wedding.”  What size, length, color, style, price…..etc.


The florist, the dressmaker and I ask questions to determine what is suitable, which is the best plan of action, and most importantly, how can I best serve this couple. 

One more piece of advice – shop around.  You shop for flowers, invitations, dresses, music and every item under heaven.  Keep shopping.  Interview Officiants and Ministers.  Find the right one for you.  And BTW, the consultation should be free.  If it isn’t say, “Thank you very much” and hang up or leave if you’re already there.

Clint Eastwood and I go hand in hand in saying, “Make my day.”  You make my day by allowing me to make your day, when I create for you your Perfect Ceremony.

Go ahead.  Make Your Day.