Perfect Ceremonies

As Unique As You

2012-01-11T07:25:00.000-08:00

You’re getting married to the one person in the world who is totally right for you. You’re not the same, of course, but compatible enough and different enough to bring both longevity and excitement to your marriage. The day is fast approaching when you will be pronounced husband and wife. What will that special ceremony be like?

Keep in mind, that the few requirements are very simple – you both want to be married, you both want to be married to each other, you both want to be married to each other on the wedding date chosen, and you both agree to all of that. All the rest is fluff. You can do or say or sing whatever you like, or dance and wear a cake on your head if that’s what will make your day memorable.

What does the Officiant of choice offer to you? Can they make up a ceremony that is strictly unique to you and perhaps never before done? In other words, can you work with this person and feel comfortable to ask them what they know or if they will “do it your way”?

Many couples like to include a Unity Candle. You can have a candle with one wick and both of you light it at the same time. You can have one candle with two wicks and each light your own. How about having 2 pillar candles tied together? The candles could be different colors or the same color. They could be tied with a sash, twine, wide to narrow ribbon, two different color ribbons or many ribbons woven or braided together.

Wait! I’m not finished. The mothers could light your personal tapers at the start of the ceremony to symbolize giving you birth by lighting your light. You would use those candles to light the Unity Candle (of choice) and then leave your own candle lit to represent that you will continue as a whole person as you deepen your relationship with each other.

If there are children involved they could be included in the candle lighting. There is a beautifully choreographed move, quickly taught, in which all of you light the wick at exactly the same time that symbolizes all of you becoming one family. Or for something totally different, use floating candles.

And that’s just exploring the possibilities of candle lighting.

When the couples that I marry want to include sand pouring to represent themselves becoming one as the grains of sand mix and mingle to become inseparable I suggest they each choose their own particular color. At the appropriate time, as they are about to pour and blend the sand, I speak of each color, what it means and how it perfectly represents the person.

The sand pouring is a great ceremony to add when children are involved. They each have their own color which has its own meaning. Each child is called by name and their virtues made known.

In one wedding I performed, both the bride and groom had 3 sons ranging in age from 6 to 12 which meant 8 people would be pouring sand. (Could be a masterpiece or could be a mess!) With a little planning and a lot of rehearsing it was a masterpiece. I’ll tell you how we engineered it.

Each one knew their color and exactly where it would be placed on the oblong table. The ornamental bowl was in the middle. The bride stood at the left end of the table, the groom stood at the right end of the table. Her 3 boys stood at one length of the table and his 3 boys on the other side of the table.

The father/groom poured half of his sand and the mother/bride poured half of her sand into the ornamental bowl. As each boy’s name was called he poured all of his sand into the bowl. When all the boys had their turn, the bride and groom poured their remaining sand at the same time into the bowl. I’m sure you understand the symbolism. It was a magnificent masterpiece! We concluded with a hand holding ceremony in which all 8 of them formed a circle around the table by holding each other’s hand while a poem was read.

There are dozens and dozens of ceremonies you can include to have a uniquely you wedding. Without going into detail there is water pouring and drinking, wine pouring and drinking, glass breaking, wishing stones, broom jumping, giving of coins, several with flowers, roses being a favorite.

You can add Memorials to call to mind and honor those that have passed on. A Memorial may also be for those who cannot attend for whatever reason. There are many versions of Parental Honoring and others in praise of mothers.

The above barely skims the surface. In this year of possibilities there is no end to the list of ways to personalize your ceremony in the manner in which suits you best. Just ask and you shall receive.

Peace Walk Update

2011-09-30T07:59:00.000-07:00

I have already met some incredibly generous loving people and I haven’t even taken one step of the peace walk yet. Or maybe I have.

Let me tell you what has happened so far.

I mentioned to a song writer, musician friend of mine, David Patrick Bryan, about the walk and needing to raise funds and he immediately offered to gather some of his friends together and put on a concert for me. That blew me away! He asked Diogenes Ruiz, William Burton and Nitia Steward to perform and they did. Quite superbly I might add. Unity Church of the Triangle hosted the event as their offering to First Friday in August of Raleigh. Great success!! Kudos to all the artists, the church, the staff, all the volunteers, and all the folks who attended.

Megan Huber from the Pittsboro Chapter of Coffee and Contacts has offered to provide me with Shaklee protein bars and energy boosters for the walk. I’ll pace myself so I’ll continue to walk and not start flying.

Cheryl O’Grady from Foot Solutions of Brier Creek has sponsored me with the most incredible pair of walking shoes call Chung Shi. They rock! These shoes actually help you stand up straight and correct your posture. Amazing!

Good friends of mine have offered me all kinds of items like a little traveling laptop, tiny Flip video camera, light weight back pack to carry day items, an international phone and spent many hours with me making the Peace Bracelets.

My daughter, Grace, her friend, Debbie, and grandson, Bryon, spent more hours helping me put the Peace Bracelets together. Lots of laughs those nights!

There are constant request for the beautiful Peace Bracelet. Have you gotten yours yet? Reiki energy has been added to them as a special blessing for all who wear the bracelets.

And donations keep pouring in from all over the country. I only have about another thousand dollars to go and the goal of $5000 will have been reached.

Trainers have offered tips on training for the walk. I’ve even been pointed to free exercise classes which I am taking with much gratitude, enthusiasm and sweat.

I was gifted with a 2 hour class in releasing sore muscle pain which will help me and all the other walkers to be able to keep on walking day after day. Julie Donnelly of Julstro.com taught me her fabulous technique. Many thanx!

What fun I’ve had handing out the silicone wrist bands debossed with “May peace prevail in my heart.” It’s quite a thrill seeing the bands worn on so many people’s wrists.

The best has been saved for last – the prayers. I have asked people, like you who are reading this right now, to send me their prayer for peace in their heart. What do you need to help you to feel peaceful inside right now? If you’re not sure how to write a prayer, just send me your thoughts and I’ll write it into a prayer for you. This prayer will be prayed every day of the 10 day walk, all 187 kilometers, just for you. Send me your thoughts right now.

Like I said at the beginning, maybe I have already started on this walk for peace. Be assured that all that I’m giving out is already returning to me. Every step I take for myself is for someone else. Every prayer that I pray for some one else is prayed for me. My heart has grown by leaps and bounds. Peace has expanded. It’s reaching out to touch you right now, just like it touched me.

Pace e Bene
Ciao.

Freedom

2011-07-20T07:55:00.000-07:00

Every summer we celebrate our independence, our freedom. We make lots of noise by shooting off fireworks and invite great crowds of people to watch us do it. To make sure we remember we’re free we created a holiday called the Fourth of July, less we forget.

Forgetting seems to be a popular way of life. So many people live their lives in a perpetual state of forgetfulness. We’re reminded once a year to be thankful, to give gifts, to send cards, to say “I love you”, to remember our mother and our father.

OK. So we get busy and forget things. But it appears to me that what we’re forgetting is what really matters and what we actually fill our days with is insignificant.

Let’s go back to the original thought of freedom. How free are you? What is freedom anyway? I’m talking about true freedom on the inside like the freedom of a small child. Think about it. When a child is hungry it eats. When a child has had enough to eat it stops eating.

The fact that you may have been slaving away all day to prepare their food is not in their consciousness. As a result, they feel no guilt. They’re full, they stop. Sure we could try to force them to “have a little more, its good for you.” They know it isn’t.

My son and 2 of his friends created the Fun Cult. The three of them were all full adults at the time and realized how seldom people felt free enough to simply play. All games have rules so they made up 3 rules which were: 1, have fun. 2, if your fun is getting in the way of someone else’s fun go have your fun somewhere else. 3, safety. They were adamant about the order. Fun first.

You may worry about what people are going to say if you’re going around being free and having fun all the time. Speaking from experience, I’ll tell you what people will say. They’ll say, “I wish I could do that.”

Being free and living a life of freedom is a state of mind. It has nothing to do with money, job, position, health, wealth or family ties. It has nothing to do with education or lack of one or the 3 r’s – reading, riting, rithmetic.

I’ll tell you what freedom is not. Freedom is not ugly, boring, hurtful, hateful, gory, garish or unkind. Freedom is not putting yourself down and not putting anyone else down either. Freedom is taking care of yourself, loving yourself just as you are, bumps, warts, bags and sags.

Freedom is lifting up, dancing in the rain, laughing at the clouds, spinning in circles if you want to spin in circles. Freedom is being truthful with kindness. Freedom is taking turns which means that sometimes you do come first. Freedom is sharing without short changing yourself.

Freedom starts with me. Same as everything else in my world. When I let myself be free it also gives you permission to be free. When you’re free you give permission for her to be free. When she’s free she gives permission for him to be free. When he and she and them and those are free, well, we’re talking the whole world here aren’t we. And to think it all started with me being free. Who knew?

The Hermitage of St. Francis of Assisi

2011-06-29T08:31:00.000-07:00

The following writing was sent to me by James Twyman, the leader of the Walk to Assisi coming up this October. All of us 43 pilgrims are already in contact with each other via a closed group of the Beloved Community. Ingrid, the woman who put the video together, will be joining us once we reach Assisi after walking the 187 km. from LaVerna.

Read James' note and then please take a few minutes to enjoy the video
"I wanted to share a short video that was sent to me by my dear friend Ingrid in Assisi. You'll all be meeting her on the journey. She has lived there for several years and really holds the energy of Francis and Clare. Such a wonderful light and has given me so many gifts.

"This is the Hermitage, or the Eremo, which is about a 45 minute walk up Mt. Subasio from Assisi. We'll all be going there, of course. It's where Francis used to retreat to, sleeping and praying in a small cave. He always wanted to stay and never come down, but Clare said that it was not his role to hide, but to share his light with the world.

"The same is true for us, especially on this journey we'll be enjoying come October. It is still uncertain how public the pope will make the prayer gathering, and we all pray that he will honor the memory of his predecessor by letting public participate in many ways. Pope Benedict is certainly no John Paul II, but we send him our energy and prayers to help him stay open to this important gathering, allowing it to be a symbol of new openness and peace. I believe that it is no coincidence that we will be there, a kind of sign of the new era of cooperation. One way or another our presence will be felt, and our mission will be accomplished. I know that you share that knowledge with me. This is going to be a turning point for each and every one of us."

To enjoy the video please visit the link.

Thank you,
Phran

The Assisi Adventure

2011-06-14T09:24:00.000-07:00

Trip Details and Itinerary

We lovingly call our Walk for Peace “The Assisi Adventure”. It starts with flying into Rome two days before the actual walk then board a bus to arrive in La Verna.

October 14 in La Verna! This is one of the most sacred towns in Italy, where Saint Francis received the Stigmata. The first day will be a time to meet one another and prepare for the journey, as well as see the holy sites.

October 15, Day One of the walk: Walk from La Verna to Pieve Santo Stefano on foot. (18km) This very sweet town is the famous site where the Virgin Mary appeared to a shepherd in 1400.

October 16, Day Two: Walk from Pieve Santo Stefano to the village of Via Maggio. (14 km) At the end of this day’s walk, we’ll be bussed back to Pieve Santo Stefano for the night

October 17, Day Three: Walk from Via Maggio to Sansepolcro. (24 km) This town is so beautiful that it was once described in an essay by Aldous Huxley, which so impressed a British Captain that he refused to bomb the town during WWII. Sleep in Sansepolcro two nights.

October 18, Day Four: Walk from Sansepolcro to Le Burgne. (14 km) Again we will be bussed, this time back to Sansepolcro, the previous town.

October 19, Day Five: Walk from Le Burgne to Città di Castello where we will sleep for the night. (13 km)

October 20, Day Six: Walk from Città di Castello to Pietralunga (Candeleto). (27 km) Sleep in Candeleto.

October 21, Day Seven: Walk from Pietralunga to Gubbio. (28 km) This is the town famous for one of the most beloved stories of Francis where he tames a wolf that had been terrorizing the town. We stay at the Convent of San Secondo for two nights.

October 22, Day Eight: Walk from Gubbio to Biscina. (21 km) Then we’ll be bussed back to the Convent of San Secondo.

October 23, Day Nine: Walk from Biscina to Valfabrica. (15 km) We will spend one night in this village. Half of the people will stay in a nice hostel and half in a small hotel, but dine together.

October 24, Day Ten: (13 km) Walk from Valfabrica to finally arrive in Assisi at lunch time. We will spend four nights here at the Hotel La Posta. We will have at least one, perhaps two days to visit the town, including the tomb of St. Francis at the Basilica, and San Damiano, the first chapel Francis rebuilt and where St. Clare lived most of her life.

Add all of those kilometers up and you have a grand total of 187 km! Since the towns are not evenly spaced we travel any where from 13 to 28 km per day. It’s not hard but you do have to keep going no matter what your feet are telling you.

October 25 – 27: We will participate as much as possible in the gathering of world leaders, at the World Peace Conference, as well as the Concert for Peace with James Twyman, our fearless leader and the most peaceful man I know.

October 28, Last Day: Return to Rome. Getting from Assisi to Rome is very easy by train I’m told so that’s probably what I will do.

This trip is such a joy and a blessing for me in which to take part. One of the greatest joys will be to carry your prayer the entire way. I will be thinking of you every day and walking your prayer into the earth for you. BUT you do have to send me your prayer so I’ll have it.

I also encourage you to donate to the cause by sending your check to me, Phran Gacher, 842 Oakwater Drive, Garner NC 27529 or via Pay Pal (on this site) if you wish to use your credit card. Include your address and I will send you the blue wrist band that declares: May peace prevail in my heart.

Ciao!

These Are The Hands

2011-06-03T07:19:00.000-07:00

Have you ever given much thought to your hands? I mean besides noticing they’re dry or rough and reaching for the lotion. Well, I was thinking about mine and not only what they do for me but how many times hands are referred to in everyday speech.

“Give me a hand” really means that I’d like your help with this, whereas “Give her a hand!” probably means to applaud the lady. OK, applaud is often said as, “Put your hands together now…” to show that you liked or agreed with what the person did or said.

How about “show me your hands”? That depends on who said it. Was it a cop or a mom? “You’re pretty handy” is a complement for completing a project of some kind from knitting to decorating a cake to hanging a picture or tearing down a wall.

Two sayings come to mind – “Don’t bite the hand that feeds you” warns you not to hurt the very person who is helping you, and, “The only way to hold onto love is with an open hand” which translates to when you truly love someone you’ll give them the freedom to live their own life while you’re living your life to the fullest.

What picture comes to mind when I say:

Take my hand
Hold you in my hands
Strong hands
Tiny hands
Hold hands
Loving hands
Hand of compassion
Gentle hands
Shake hands
Shaking hands

In many of the weddings I write the couples request a Hand Holding or a Hand Fasting ceremony (2 totally different additions). Brides and grooms want to exalt hands because that is often and usually the first form of physical contact made between two people and they want to honor their first contact.

Let me share with you one of the poems I use in a hand holding ceremony. I did not originally write this and truthfully have no idea who did, but, here it is. You may want to incorporate it into your wedding ceremony.

These Are The Hands

These are the hands that will work along side you as together you build your future.
These are the hands that will passionately love you and cherish you through the years, and with the slightest touch will comfort you like no other.
These are the hands that will hold you when fear or grief temporarily comes your way.

These are the hands that will countless times wipe the tears from your eyes, tears of sorrow and tears of joy.
These are the hands that will give you support and encouragement to chase down your dreams.

These are the hands that will hold you tight as you struggle through difficult times.
These are the hands that will give you strength when you need it.
These are the hands that will lift your chin and brush your cheek as they raise your face to look into eyes that are filled with love for you.

And lastly, these are the hands that even when wrinkled and aged will still be reaching for yours, still giving you the same unspoken tenderness with just a touch.

And so, my friend, if I can ever be of service to you, I extend to you my hand.

Send Me Your Peace Prayer!

2011-05-19T13:47:00.000-07:00

The walk for peace from LaVerna to Assisi in Italy doesn’t start until October and the excitement I already feel has traveled through the group of 40 adventurers hiking the 187 kilometers together. We come from the mountains and the prairies, the deserts and the oceans, the highland and the swamps. We walk with open hearts, our feet pressing your prayer into the earth.

I haven’t been to LaVerna but I’ve been to Assisi. I remember walking from St. Francis’ Basilica on one side of Assisi to St. Clare’s Basilica completely on the other side of Assisi. That it was all uphill was not surprising since Assisi is in the mountains. What was surprising was that walking back was still all uphill.

My closest guess is that 187 km equals 131 miles which we’ll do in 10 days. I’ll put the complete itinerary in another blog so you can follow along.

Through Divine Inspiration the idea came to me that since I’m going to be walking for peace why not take with me prayers for peace that I can read along the way. Yes, it’s a beautiful country to look at but I’m sure I could read a prayer while I’m walking and still have plenty of time to ogle and chat.

So here’s the deal. On the Walk for Peace page on this Perfect Ceremonies site there is a form you can click on to write down your own special prayer. Send it to me and I’ll carry it with me on the walk to the World Peace Conclave in Assisi.

You can also add a donation, if you’re so inclined, by clicking on the Pay Pal button, or if you prefer to write a check then send it by mail or hand me any amount in cash when you see me. When you donate include your address and I’ll send you a silicone wrist band embossed with the affirmation, “May peace prevail in my heart.” The bands are in light blue, the color of peace, are soft, about a half inch wide and stretch to fit any wrist. Nice! Or as my son would say, “Neat!”

Other spiritual explorers on the walk are collecting prayers too. One said she wanted to make them into a book. Who knows? You could be writing a prayer that could one day show up in print!!

Reading your prayers every day will help keep me focused. It will also connect me to you. Every time I read your prayer I will also be praying for you personally.

If you think you don’t know how to write a prayer, don’t let that stop you. Think of it as a wish. I know you can make a wish. Send me that. Send me your wish for peace. Or send me your wish, your prayer for yourself.

If I can say a prayer for you that will help you feel more peaceful, then we have started having peace in the world. Peace begins with you and with me.

The Italian word for peace is pace (pah’ chay).

Pace Bene.

Walking For Peace

2011-05-04T12:21:00.000-07:00

In September of 2005, on the afternoon of my ordination in Assisi, Italy, I started a walk for peace from Assisi to Rome, a distance of about 100 miles. It was quite a life changing experience that 65 of us shared as we walked in the footsteps of St. Francis of Assisi. He had undertaken the same walk 800 years before in order to see the Pope. We too saw the Pope. We’re not quite sure if the Pope saw us.

Our walk was lead by James Twyman, known as the Peace Troubadour. The Torch of Peace and Hope had been passed to him for us to carry on our walk. Its flame represented the Truth present in all of us.

I can see us now, gathered together in the courtyard of St. Francis’ Cathedral, with Hotel Sabasio, where we had stayed, right behind us. The torch was lit, a section of the mile long Cloth of Many Colors was unfurled for some of us to carry, and we listened to the words of encouragement from James to start us on our 10 day pilgrimage through the beautiful small towns of Italy.

James was telling us that we were now instruments of peace. We would be walking with our hearts open, walking our prayers for peace into the earth. We were called to be Ministers of Peace. Our loving, peace-filled energy would ripple out to affect the entire world.

Then James led us in our Office of Peace which we said every day. This Office is made up of the 12 prayers from 12 major religions which originated in the Peace Conclave that had been called by the Pope in 1986 to seek out the sameness in the religions not the differences. (You can read them on the Peace Bracelet page.)

At the very end of this starting ceremony one of the walkers stepped forward to read our intention, our inner mission which we all had composed. It went like this: “We are Peace Walking. We will search for truth and balance. We understand with our infinite hope, creativity and integrity that we are love and compassion in the world. We are celebrating a unity for all, a state of grace, joy and perpetual peace. And so it is.”

Two by two and one by one, we turned and left the courtyard, waving to all as we walked. We mingled with the people on the narrow streets some of which were only large enough for one small vehicle to pass at a time.

Onward we walked, literally, over hill and dale, hiking in and out of villages and mini towns only stopping for lunch and whenever nature called. Somehow it seemed easy. Sure we got tired but never crabby. It’s pretty hard to be crabby and peaceful at the same time.

One day we had been erroneously routed on a highway. By detouring around the major road we added a few miles. I think that day we walked 18 to 20 miles. You just keep going. You really have to because your luggage is at the ending point of the day so you must reach the pre-chosen ending point. We only carried a day pack with water, snacks, tissues and little plastic bags for the used tissue, and whatever else we chose to carry for the day. Oh yes, a poncho to keep us a little dry in the rain.

One day, as we were passing a row of houses, a young boy ran outside waving and yelling, “Ciao, pace bene.” (Loosely translates to “Hello, good peace to you”.) You know he went to school the next day telling all his friends that he had seen the Peace Walkers.

The story had spread. People in cars honked and waved. Women leaned out windows to call their encouragement and yell “Pace” (pah’-chay) - Peace.

Each night we stayed at a different hotel. Each was beautiful in its own rite. Each had its own personality and charm.

I think the 10th day when we arrived in Rome we were practically trotting we were so excited. My heart sounded to me like a big base drum proudly beating in my chest. I was sure everyone could hear it. If there was any doubt of my feelings all you had to do was to look at my face. It was the same look all of the walkers were wearing. Our faces said, “We have walked. We believe in peace for you and me. We have arrived. It was all worth it – every minute and every penny.”

Would I do it again you ask? Today I know the true answer is YES! I have already signed up for the next Walk for Peace which will commemorate the 25th anniversary of the World Peace Conclave to be held October 27, 2011 in Beloved Assisi, at the very same cathedral.

A new page has been created for updates so you can follow along with the excitement of the preparations. This walk will be 187 km from LaVerna to Assisi.

More information to follow so keep tuned in.

The Perfect Wedding

2011-04-11T09:08:00.000-07:00

Many, many people strive for perfection. Some claim that it can’t be reached. I say, it depends upon your definition of perfection. I’ll tell you a true story.

Somewhere between a few years back and a long time ago, my daughter decided to get married in a traditional way – white gown, bridal party, church wedding, dinner, and a reception with music and dancing. This is what we took as our tradition; the tradition of our personal culture.

Her father and I had been divorced for several years, had ignored our differences and could actually speak politely to each other. He had agreed to help pay for the wedding with certain stipulations. One of his requests was that only he would walk our daughter down the aisle, not both of us as our daughter had wanted.

He did walk her down the aisle, just the two of them. We moved me over a little in the picture and I escorted my two ring bearing grandsons down the aisle. Both my daughter and I felt fine about the arrangement.

He had a few other “rules and regulations” about the affair which could have put a dent in the festivities if we gave them the power to do so.

I could see how the event was starting to shape up and which could culminate in arguments and hurt feelings. So I took the bull by the horns and changed my mind right then and there. I decided that this was going to be a Perfect Wedding no matter what happened.

And it was!

Let me repeat that. I decided that it would be a perfect wedding and it was.

Looking back on that day, there were several incidents which could have spoiled the event but I had already made my decision and stuck with it. I was going to be happy. I was going to have a good time. I was going to enjoy myself. I could still take care of issues and problems. I could still get called off the dance floor to settle a question or solve a predicament (and I was).

In fact, I went to the extreme in my imagination and visioned myself dancing in a beautiful dress and someone ripping my dress off on the dance floor! In my mind, I kept right on dancing and smiling. I had decided that nothing, no thing and no one would have the power to mar the celebration.

It was a perfect day. It was a perfect wedding.

You can have the same. Decide that whatever happens, it will be perfect. Laugh at whatever comes up and keep on dancing. It will be perfect!

The Beauty of The Dance

2011-03-29T14:23:00.000-07:00

Let’s talk a moment about life. I love to use analogies. To me life is like a dance.

There is a popular show on TV called “Dancing With the Stars”. You may have seen it. You may be one of the fans that watch it every week. When you simply watch the dancing you’re really not aware of all the hard work that goes into it. Done right the dance flows and looks easy.

You may look at someone else’s life and say the same. “Well, that’s easy for them to do, but, I could never do that, be that, act like that, etc.”

Everyone has their own way of dancing, their own style. We all have our own way of living, our own steps we take to accomplish a task.

To get back to life being like a dance – it never just goes in a straight line. At the very least it goes in a circle taking in the whole room. A dance never is completely still. There is always movement and the movement varies from a small step or a flutter of a hand, to a twirl, or a spin, or a dip.

Like life, dancing goes backward and forward, side to side. Sometimes you get your feet stepped on but you don’t punch the other person out because they stepped on your toes. You move away and keep dancing.

You may even fall down on the dance floor. What then? Do you lie there and moan making a fuss or do you get up again, dust yourself off and keep dancing?

I remember when I was taking Salsa lessons. The advanced members of the class were invited to be filmed while dancing in a beautiful lobby of a huge theater. Of course I went. I loved dancing plus the opportunity to dance in this particular building added to the excitement of being filmed.

There was a little flaw in my thinking. I was expecting a dance floor. Have you ever tried to slide or spin on a carpet? It doesn’t happen. Obviously, I must have had a huge scowl on my face showing all the complaints running around in my head. How could anyone dance under these conditions? What idiot put this mess together? Who on earth _________? Fill in the blank.

After one or two “not fun” dances no one wanted to dance with me. Hmmm, I wonder why? Things were not going my way and I was miffed to say the least.

Ever have a day like that? Of course. We all do. I did say life was like a dance.

Life is all about what you make of it. When the dance of life sweeps you off your feet, get up, dust your self off, find the beat, and start dancing again. if you just sit there on the dance floor you may get trampled by the dancers and then you’ll wonder what happened. Life happened while you weren’t looking.

Dance. However you dance will be beautiful because it’s your dance.

The Three Great Love Enders

2011-03-10T18:46:00.000-08:00

You find someone. You fall in love. The world is beautiful. And then one day you wake up to find yourself in bed with the evil twin. What happened? How did this relationship get so difficult?

There are 3 main reasons that love is squeezed to death and relationships end.

1. Neediness
2. Expectations
3. Jealousy

Let’s take the first one, neediness. The thought of neediness can drive you to cling, grab, demand and attempt to possess. Doesn’t sound like true love to me. Sounds like a prison.

Love is not a trade-off as in “you do this for me and I’ll do this for you”. Love is giving freely without requirements, stipulations or restrictions. Love is not a make-over as in needing your mate to look a certain way, be a particular weight, act in a prescribed manner, or have long or short hair. What attracted you in the first place? Build on that.

What you think you need from your mate is exactly what you need to give to your mate. And when you give, give freely. If there are strings attached you’re not giving you’re bargaining or conniving or worse – manipulating.

Needs lead right into expectations, the second love ender. Any kind of an expectation sets you up for a disappointment. Even if you get what you expected you wonder and worry if it will last, if it’s real or will it be this good the next time which expands into the next expectation. And the noose gets tighter.

Let me clear something up here. You can have a preference. You can have an intention. You can establish a goal. You can strive as hard as you want to reach it. The key is to accept the outcome; even if the outcome is not what you expected. Go on from there. Accept instead of expect.

Love is holding someone in an open palm. Jealousy is a death grip. Jealousy arises when you don’t trust someone; when you have expectations that are not being fulfilled; when you need them to give you all of their attention. Do you see how this all goes around in a vicious circle?

Being jealous of someone and trying to keep them in a loving relationship is like coating a football with a thick layer of grease. The more you grab, the faster it will slip away.

What you want from someone, from a relationship is exactly what you have to give, what you have to invest in the relationship. Yes, consider it an investment because you’ll get out of it exactly what you are putting into it.

If you want to be trusted you have to trust. If you want freedom you have to give freedom. If you want understanding you have to be understanding. And if you want acceptance you have to accept yourself. Let me say that again. If you want acceptance you have to accept yourself.

Love starts with you. Love yourself for who you are right now, bulges, bumps and warts. Start right now to appreciate the miracle that you are. Forgive yourself for all of your learning experiences for that is what mistakes really are – learning experiences.

When you can accept yourself as you are you’ll find the freedom to be the person you want to be. When you have the freedom to be who you truly are you will easily allow that freedom to extend into all of your relationships.

Let me know how you’re doing. I’d like to hear from you.

How To Write a Wedding Ceremony

2011-02-16T09:45:00.000-08:00

You may be thinking about writing your own wedding ceremony and wondering what needs to be in it to pronounce you husband and wife. Here it is – you both have to want to marry the other person, admit it, and accept the other person as your spouse.

If you also want the marriage to be legal, you have to have a valid marriage license (see the requirements on another page), have a qualified Officiant present and have it all witnessed by 2 living people.

That is it! Everything else is fluff. There are no magic words. You can say “I do” anyway you want.

Some religions say you have to do it a certain way. If you want to get married in that religion then that’s the way you have to do it. If you don’t want to have those particular words said then you can find another way and have the ceremony some place else. If you insist on getting married in a church, there are churches that will rent their space. A wedding does not have to be in a church, temple, or any specific place to make it holy, sacred, or legal.

If you would like to know how a traditional wedding service goes so that you have an outline to work with, I’ll give you the outline. Just know that you can change any part and move items around to suit yourself. It’s your ceremony.

You start the actual ceremony with the Convocation which is also called the Welcome. That calls everyone together and tells them that they are there because the two of you love each other so much that you want to be married.

The Invocation calls on God, Universal Love, Radiant Presence, or highest dimension of self to place the participants in a reflective and receptive state.

Personal stories, honoring of people who could not attend which is also called a Memorial, and asking “who gives this woman to this man in marriage” is next. You could also have one or more parents light candles at this time.

A Reading of prose, poetry, Bible verse, a contemporary or original writing may be read by someone you would like to honor, or a live singer could dedicate a song to you. (I don’t recommend a recorded version.)

Now comes my favorite part called the Address. It’s where I get to say my blah-de-blah about all the important things you should know before you go any further.

Another reading, additional ceremony, or song could be added here.

If you’re spiritual you may want to include the Consecration which brings the service to a sacred level.

The Expression of Intent is one of the primary factors. It’s when the couple publicly states the intention of their commitment to marriage.

The following 3 components could be combined or be separate: the Blessing or Presentation of the Rings, the Vows, and the Exchange of Rings.

A word about the vows – a vow is what each one of you is offering or promising to the other. If you want to write your own vow, think about what this marriage to this person means to you. What are you offering of yourself to the marriage?

There must also be a place where each person is asked if they, in fact, accept the other person as their spouse, their mate, their partner. Yes, you do have to give them a moment to think about it and answer.

The rings are a token of the vows and a symbol of the love that is shared between two people. A ring is a circle which has no beginning and no end which represents the thought that giving and receiving are the same.

The Pronouncement of Marriage is the public declaration of the formal bonding of husband and wife.

The Kiss, which is most important, seals the deed (so make it a good one).

To round it all out is the Final Blessing or Benediction. This can also be spoken by someone you wish to honor by having them take part in the ceremony.

The Announcement of Mr. & Mrs. So-and-so could be added, saved for the reception or proclaimed in both places.

You can also include all kinds of extra special ceremonies like sand pouring, hand holding or hand fasting, candle lighting, wishing stones, coins, broom jumping, glass breaking, bread eating, flower sharing, etc. You could add something special and unique to the two of you. Just give your Officiant an idea of what you want and she will invent a new tradition for you.

This is the bottom line – it is your wedding, have it as you wish. It will be the Perfect Ceremony for you.

A Conversation With God

2011-02-07T07:32:00.001-08:00

I’ve been reading Neale Donald Walsch’s book, “Friendship with God”. Neale is the one who wrote the original “Conversations with God” books.

I had my own conversation with God this morning as I sat in meditation. I saw myself “baring my soul” standing before God, wondering why I wasn’t making more of myself, why I wasn’t “advancing” more rapidly, asking how I could be bigger-better-stay-centered-longer, etc.

God listened and then stepped inside of me to have a look around. His reply was, “Everything looks fine to me. Nothing wrong here. Nothing to be fixed.”

He invited me to sit down at this little round café table and have a cup of coffee; to take a moment to chat. I’m not going to argue with God! I like coffee. I can sit and chat; take a moment with my BFF.

God talked to me in pictures. She showed me myself scrambling up a mountain, slipping in mud and sliding down. The frame froze while she looked at me. The unspoken questions were: What now? What are you going to do? What does this mean?

The answer was, “When you find yourself sliding around in mud, play in the mud and enjoy yourself”! If you find yourself up to your ears, splash around and make the best of it – the absolute BEST of it. You have the free choice to laugh or cry. Why, in heaven’s name, would you cry when you can laugh? Why struggle when you can play?

I remember a scene from a Harry Potter movie where Harry, Hermione, and Ron fell down a hole and were entangled in roots that were trying to choke them. Ron was fighting with all of his might to get out and only succeeded in being choked tighter.

Hermione kept saying to relax, relax. As she gave up any thoughts of struggle and relaxed her mind and muscle, she slipped right through the roots to freedom. It seems that struggle only begets more struggle. Or, what you resist persists.

God was telling me that I was fine; there was no thing wrong with me, my situation, or anyone else for that matter. Make the BEST of where you are. Embrace the moment. Love it and forgive it (and yourself too). Above all enjoy yourself. Joy is God’s middle name.

How To Be Happy

2011-01-17T08:52:00.000-08:00

There’s a novel idea! Be Happy. Easy enough to say isn’t it? I’ll tell you a little secret that most people either don’t know or don’t believe. Here it is. Each and every morning that you wake up take a moment to decide, right there and then, what kind of a day you would like to have.

That’s it. You can actually decide or choose to be happy. Set the tone of the day right away before something happens to deter you from your goal. Once you have made the decision, stick with it.

Something happened to me the other day that almost knocked me off my feet. If I hadn’t already decided to have a great day I would have been really peeved. (Mildly put, of course.) I was about to explode when I looked at the situation from another point of view and loudly proclaimed, “HAH”. That sounded enough like a laugh to force me to say it again and again until I was actually laughing.

Needless to say, that really took the sting out of the situation. Laugh your tears away. It gets rid of them for good.

If you pause for a moment and think of sitcoms on TV that make you laugh and think again about YOU being in that very same scene having the catastrophe happening to you, you probably wouldn’t laugh at the time. BUT, you might laugh later in the telling of the story.

I love well done slap-stick. One of my favorite movie scenes from “My Cousin Vinny” is when Vinny, played by Joe Pecci, gets out of his convertible after spending the night sleeping in the car in the rain. This was the morning of the day that he had to appear impeccably dressed in front of the judge. Needless to say as soon as his foot came out of the car it landed in a huge mud puddle. For a second he was airborne and then landed flat on his back in the mud. I fell off the couch laughing so hard.

To make matters worse, when he tried to stand up he only flipped over face first in the mud so there wasn’t a clean speck on him. The only way to avoid dieing on the spot is to laugh long, loud and hard at yourself. I would be willing to wager that they had a grand time filming that segment.

Before you pooh-pooh the whole idea, try it. It only has to work once, even for half a day, for you to try it again. What’s the alternative? And why, in the name of heaven, would you purposely choose a rotten day?

Be brave. Take a stand. Why get yanked around by a chain that someone else is holding and pulling? If you are here living a life you may as well enjoy yourself. It’s been said that laughter is the best medicine. It is the cheapest and is guaranteed to make you feel better.

I don’t know about you, but, I’m having a great day! I woke up on the right side of the grass.

DIY - Perform Your Own Personal Ceremony

2010-12-10T09:10:00.000-08:00

Do It Yourself. I’ve been a Do It Yourselfer for longer than I can remember. So, it’s easy for me to understand when a person wants to do things for themselves. In fact, I heartily encourage it. I would rather show you how to fish than to give you a fish.

We’re talking about personal ceremonies not legal ceremonies like marriages. Let me give you a few examples of a personal ceremony.

Family Reunions. Those can be joyous or deadly. There was a person who called me dreading her family getting together for a holiday because there was always bickering and back stabbing. As much as she wanted to visit with her relatives, she was that reluctant to go. It also involved a trip of a thousand miles which made it impossible for me to be there.

The solution: I wrote a ceremony for her that she could orchestrate herself. It went so smoothly and beautifully that several family members that I had never met wrote and told me how bonding it was.

End of a relationship. A man had broken up with his live-in partner of several years. He still felt the presence of his partner and wanted to free himself, take back his own space, and at the same time, honor the fun times that were shared. I wrote a ceremony for one. It worked.

Here’s what I can offer you: I will write any type of personal ceremony with clear and concise directions that you or a person of your choosing can easily perform. This is not a legal ceremony. It’s strictly a ceremony or a celebration for you and your family or friends. All ceremonies are personalized and written with your wants, needs and desires in mind. The following is a partial list limited only by your imagination:

New Years Celebration
Burning Bowl
Forgiveness
Family Reunions
House Blessings
Reclaiming Your Space
Release of a Relationship
Starting Over
Your Choice……..

Make your request on the Contact form. I will get back to you to discuss the details. The modest fee of $100 may be paid through PayPal.

Are You Up or Down?

2010-11-08T08:16:00.000-08:00

Normally, I’m full of energy, happy, and believing I can handle anything that comes up in my life. Last week I had an off day. Followed by another which was followed by yet another. One day, ok, we all have off days. But by the fourth day of being lethargic, no motivation, no apparent creativity flowing through my veins, I started looking at what was wrong with me. I couldn’t figure me out.

Finally, I came across the perfect solution. I was looking in the wrong direction.

Where are you looking when you’re driving a car? You’re looking in front of you, of course. You may check your mirrors and glance from side to side but basically you look straight ahead. You have to concentrate on where you are at the moment, where you are on the road now. Not the street you just pulled out of or the street you drove on yesterday. You plan on where you’re going and drive paying attention to where you are.

When you don’t pay attention to what you are currently doing you may very well be involved in an accident.

When I was having so many off days and accidents, I wasn’t paying attention to not getting enough sleep, for one thing. I forgot how important full nights of sleep were.

When I started searching for what I was doing wrong or neglecting in my life I obliterated what was right; disremembering all the good stuff.

You most probably have heard the saying, “Count your blessings”. That was exactly what the cure was. I started to count, number, and add up all that I have. I’m talking abundance. Profound abundance!

There is plenty of air. I’ll never run out of fresh air. All the faucets work in my house so I have plenty of clean water. The roof over my head is solid, no leaks; walls are tight so no drafts. There is food in the refrigerator, freezer, pantry and cabinets, plus pots to cook in and plates to put the food on when it’s done. Then I can sit on a chair at a table to eat.

I have friends who are like family and family who are friends.

You get the idea. If you woke up on the right side of the grass, you have something to be thankful for. Make your own list and add 5 new items for which you are thankful every day. It’s called a Gratitude Journal.

Freedom to Choose Again

2010-10-11T09:38:00.000-07:00

The spiritual world, as you would imagine, occupies a fair percentage of my thinking, pondering and contemplating. And it seems to me that this life, this world, is all about choices, i.e. this or that, up or down, light or dark, peace or pain. But, isn’t that what this world, Earth, is all about? Duality. Left and right, hot and cold, night and day, ebb and flow, you and me.

We came here to experience choices. We are so loved and so free that we can choose whatever we want to experience. And change our mind at any time – I might add. Change our mind at any time. We have the freedom to choose again.

Let’s bring that down a little closer. We choose how to handle each moment. We can get irritated when a driver cuts us off in traffic or goes too slow in front of us or we can excuse them because they didn’t know we were in a hurry. I can’t control the other driver but I can control my thoughts about them.

We could choose to be insulted by a remark or not accept the thought into our consciousness. We can turn off the tickle button so we don’t have to writhe on the floor and be in painful laughter (which isn’t funny).

We could pause and hold a door for the person behind us or let it slam in their face. We always have a choice AND we can always choose again and again.

This world is based on time. We can use it to our advantage or let it diminish us. I have the freedom to be blind or to see into my brothers, past their masks and fears and into the deepest corners of their hearts where love lives; where the presence of God is whole and complete, perfect in every way.

How will I choose today? What will I choose to experience?

Jeshua could see the wheat already ripe even as the plant was beginning to grow. He knew the perfection that was and is at the core of every person; that same perfection that was and is in Him. He chose to see health instead of sickness, life instead of death, wholeness, joy, peace, kindness, and love. He simply choose what He wanted to experience. And then did.

No matter what choice I make, I can always choose again and again and again. I have that freedom and so do you.

Do You Need A Wedding Rehearsal?

2010-09-27T11:43:00.000-07:00

The need for a wedding rehearsal depends on how large you’re planning to have your bridal party. if there will be more than the bride, groom and 2 witnesses standing up there before the Officiant the answer is “yes”, especially if there will be children as flower girls or ring bearers.

If possible, hold the rehearsal only a day or 2 before the wedding so that it’s still fresh in everyone’s mind. You’ll have enough to do on your special day without adding in the rehearsal the morning of. On site is best, of course. But a similar setting will suffice in a pinch. If you are using an alternate site draw a diagram or floor plan of the actual setting and give a copy to all participants so they’ll have a mental image of the scene.

Who should attend? The bride, groom, their parents, grandparents, bridesmaids, groomsmen, (ushers) best man, best lady (maid or matron of honor) flower girls, ring bearers, Officiant and event planner. If there are children involved, have adult supervision for them both at the rehearsal and wedding in case the children need a quite place to rest.

First I’ll give you the traditional procession line-up and then current happenings.

The groom’s family and friends sit on the right. The bride’s on the left. Both front rows are saved for the parents and grandparents of the bride and groom.

Order of entrance after all guests have been seated is:

Grandmothers and mothers are escorted by usher or groomsman.

Grandmother of the groom – followed by grandfather
Grandmother of the bride – followed by grandfather
Mother of the groom – followed by groom’s father
Mother of the bride

Officiant, groom and best man (if no side access available)
Bridesmaids escorted by groomsmen
Flower girl(s) and ring bearer
Best Lady (maid or matron of honor)
Bride escorted by her father

That’s the traditional way but you could do it any way you like. It’s your wedding. If you’d like the girls to walk in single file then the groomsmen would stay in the front after they sat the grandmothers and mothers or enter from the side.

The bride could be escorted by the groom, her mother, step-father, brother, uncle, sister, grandmother, aunt or walk in alone. The bride could change partners part way down the aisle.

The Officiant could be escorted by the groom. The groom could escort his mother.

Some personal suggestions of my own:
Bride walks on the right of her escort and stops at the end of the front row of seats. As the groom steps forward to meet his bride, the father kisses the bride. The father shakes the groom’s hand and then steps to his left to sit. This way the father is free of the bride’s train. The groom offers his arm or hand to the bride and together they step forward to the Officiant.

When small children are involved they are usually more comfortable sitting rather than standing through out the whole procedure. Show them where they will sit and by whom they will sit. This will be the adult that is responsible for the care and comfort of the child.

Very young children could be walked in by a bridesmaid or the maid or matron of honor. I’ve been in weddings where the couple did not take this into consideration and a father or bystander carried the child down the aisle. Needless to say, the man was not prepared nor dressed for the occasion and it was very awkward.

If you don’t have a wedding or event planner, have someone who can help at the rehearsal and the day of the wedding who will signal each person when to walk, open doors for the bridal party (if applicable) and signal the processional music.

A few other miscellaneous items about “the walk”:

Each person simply walks to the music rather than step-touch-step-touch. A natural step is more relaxed and less taxing.
Flowers are carried at the waist/stomach area and not flopped down in front of “you know what”.
The gentleman, who is escorting a lady, bends his proffered arm at the elbow and his forearm gently rests in front of his waist. That looks better than letting the arm dangle.
And the last thing is – smile! If you look happy you’ll feel happy.

Experience the Experience! A Walking Meditation

2010-08-23T08:56:00.000-07:00

One of my favorite places to contemplate is when walking around Lake Johnson in beautiful Raleigh NC. I was there today breathing in the clean air and delighting in the different scents. I marveled at the sense of smell that dogs enjoy. That lead me to the oneness theory, then, why are we here.

It occurred to me that one reason we become human is to experience diverse situations, issues, relationships, cultures, thought patters, etc. The problems lie in what we hold onto and the issues and situations that become our embedded stories.

There is nothing wrong with remembering an experience even a painful one as long as we don’t incorporate the pain and suffering into our psyche.

As I walked, the thoughts became a walking meditation. It’s a delightful process, one that I recommend enjoying often. Once you get the hang of it, let your imagination soar. There is no limit to what you can join with, feel a part of, sense, and imagine being. It’s all a part of our human experience.

This is the meditation: as you walk (or sit) be aware of your body and what it’s touching. Become aware of your breathing. As you start to concentrate on your breathing and the air, be the air that you are taking into your lungs through your nose and say to yourself, “I am the air.” Feel the air filling your lungs and becoming part of your body and your blood. Hold that thought and fully experience the air and the scent that it carries. Then release it.

Feel the wind on your skin, hold the thought to fully experience being the wind and release it. Imagine being the path you’re walking on experience being the path and release it. If a leaf falls, be the leaf disconnecting from the tree and be the falling leaf. Watch it float and settle on the ground and imagine what it feels like and release it.

Be the rock and release it. Be the tree and release it. Be the worm and release it. Be the person coming toward you and release it. Be the sound of the cricket and release it. Be the water, feel its soft wetness, the flow of the current or its stillness, experience it and release it.

As I walked I felt an itch. I became the itch fully, went into and experienced the itch all without touching the itchy place. When I was ready to release it the itch dissolved. It had been experienced and release. I could have held onto the thought of being itchy and possibly escalated it into a rash that I could show everyone how much discomfort I was having keeping the experience. Or I could go into it fully and release it.

Make no judgment of something being good or bad. Be it. Experience it. Have no concern of nice or ugly. Imagine being a slug, a bird, a feather, a spider, a turtle, a web. Simply experience the experience and let it go.

This will help the next time you get mad or feel angry. Be mad. Be good and mad. When you’ve had enough of being mad, let it go. When you can experience the feeling fully and let it go you have released it. It’s gone. Don’t carry that anger around to poison your system and every thing around you. Be angry, address the issue and let it go.

Write me, if you like, and tell me how it went for you.

Experience the experience and let it go.

Dare To Be Different

2010-08-16T13:19:00.000-07:00

I’ve been writing and performing some out-of-the-box weddings lately that are inspiring as well as unusual. I’ll tell you about a few of the most recent ones.

A man proposed to the love of his life in the morning. She called me shortly after noon to ask if I would do a wedding on short notice. They applied for and received their license and were married IN a lake that evening of the same day.

I’ll explain a little. The couple wanted a serene outdoor setting and chose one of NC’s beautiful near-by lakes. Attending the service would be the couple, her 2 children and 2 friends as witnesses. As soon as we arrived at the location, the children couldn’t resist the welcoming water, kicked off their shoes and waded in. They didn’t want to come out! So the bride took off her shoes (and pantyhose) and strolled in too. The groom decided it looked like a good idea, popped off his shoes, rolled up his pant legs and meandered in after them. There was no way I was going to stand on the shore so I joined the 4 of them in the water and we laughed all the way through the ceremony. The 2 witnesses dutifully recorded it all on film.

The next outdoor wedding was to take place in a magnificent garden complete with gazebo, pond, foot bridge, exotic flowers and manicured lawn. And then it started to sprinkle. We waited for awhile but the clouds insisted on kissing us with its moisture. The bride remained focused on her garden dream wedding. The chairs were wiped off, umbrellas provided and the wedding party processed in between the raindrops. No one really got wet, just delightfully cooled.

The very next day was a wedding in front of a log cabin. We still had clouds but their purpose was to shield the sun. This was another perfect nature setting. The green lawn sported white chairs draped with golden bows. The center aisle held a white carpet strewn with flower petals. At the end of the aisle stood an exquisite arch covered in flowers and positioned between 2 deep pink crepe myrtle trees in full bloom. On either side of the archway were 2 white columns standing as sentinels, topped with lacy ferns. The bride’s gown was elegant in its simplicity, gently decorated with pearls to match her single string pearl necklace. The ceremony included a hand fasting which extended into a hand holding ceremony. It was just the right touch without being overdone. After the service, a lavish feast of homemade treats was served on the back deck.

The point to remember is, “Whatever you can conceive can be achieved.” In my book, the impossible only takes a little longer.

Children In The Wedding Party

2010-07-26T08:55:00.000-07:00

So, you’re thinking of having your 4 year old niece as the flower girl and your fiancé’s 5 year old twin nephews as ring bearers. After watching the children run around and rolling on the ground while they’re playing you’re having second thoughts. At the same time you don’t want to offend anyone in the family by not allowing the children walk down the aisle on your special day.

With a tiny bit of preparation it could work perfectly.

First off I highly recommend a rehearsal the day before the wedding. Children (and adults) feel much more secure knowing exactly where they are walking from, where they are walking to, where they will stand, how they will exit, and where they’ll go after they process out.

Second, have someone, who is not in the wedding party, assigned to the children. Sometimes when the child is very young the excitement can be overwhelming and they need to leave the room to be taken to a safe comfortable place where they can be calmed down. This seldom happens but it’s always nice to be prepared just in case.

Third, I favor the little ones sitting down after they walk in rather than standing up with the rest of the wedding party. However, at one wedding I performed, the 2 year old flower girl was the daughter of the Matron of Honor and the little one wanted to stand by her mother. Fine! The little girl simply got up from her chair, walked over to her mother and stood there, happy as could be. It was a nice added touch. It’s was better to let her stay then to try and convince her to take her seat.

Fourth, be prepared to go along with whatever the child or children would like to do (unless they’re screaming their heads off). Children are always cute no matter what they do (with the one screaming exception). At a recent wedding that I officiated at, the flower girl and the ring bearer started to walk in together as planned. But when the 4 year old boy saw the 6 year old flower girl dropping petals on the ground he stopped to pick them up and proceeded down the aisle after her, picking up each and every petal! When he finally reached the end of the aisle, he ran to his dad declaring, “Dad, I saved all the petals!!” Cute!

Fifth and most importantly, they are stepping outside of their box. Praise them and tell them what a great job they are doing and how important they are to the ceremony. They will never forget your sincere gratitude.

What is my guidance on having children in the wedding party? Go ahead. Be prepared. Give them directions. And let them be their beautiful, innocent selves.

What's Your River Like?

2010-05-31T13:01:00.000-07:00

Mine is White Water.......

Sunday was a great day. I was so excited to be alive and fully living my life. I was ecstatic! I was like a kid filled with Pop Tarts. Life couldn't get better than this.

And then Monday happened. Out of the blue came this massive sucker punch. The rug was pulled out from under me and I was on my face, down for the count.

Tuesday I was still wobbly and knew I had to do some serious meditating. Praying is talking to the Boss. Meditation is listening. The whole point is to not think. So I listened.

After a few minutes I felt "the connection". I don't know how else to explain it. It's God manifesting as Phran. Don't get me wrong. I'm not being God. God is being me and I am in complete co-operation with the experience that God would like to have as me.

It was pointed out that "we" have chosen an alive, pulsating, sometimes wild and dangerous, butt-whipping river to ride. There are smooth flat places when we can rest and enjoy the beautiful, spectacular scenery. But around any bend the land could pitch, rocks can appear big and bold or sneakily hide just below the surface where you can't easily see them.

Put that together and you have foaming, roiling, breathtaking White Water. And when you least expect it - a waterfall. YA-HOOOO!

I always have the choice to simply sit in the canoe and get bashed and tossed about, or take up my paddle, use my muscles and brain to ride the river.

Life, or a river, no matter how rough or wild the ride is not to succumb to but to relish, dig into, be a part of and go with to the end. It doesn't matter if you lose your shirt or break a paddle. Whoop it up and enjoy your journey!

PS. I got out of my funk and will live my life to the fullest - white water or flat water, I'll take what comes up.

Life is a Piece of Cake

2010-05-10T12:53:00.000-07:00

The world is like cake. Cake is not real food. We all agree on cake being something to eat but yours is different from mine. Mine is carrot spice cake. Yours may be chocolate, double chocolate, vanilla, yellow, white, devil’s food, angel food, black forest, German chocolate, with or without nuts, raisins, chopped fruit or orange peel, one layer or 10, with or without frosting/filling/icing, etc. etc. etc.

The cake is made up of the ingredients that we choose to put in according to our taste and what we want it to look like. The world is made up of our thoughts that reflect our preferences and what we want it to look like.

Its how my family likes it. Its how my mother/father always made it.

Some days it’s nutty. Some days it’s dry, stale and crumbly or moist and fresh. Some days it’s covered in whipped cream. Some days the cream turns sour. Some days we grab for a big slice and get a handful of crumbs. Some days we simply don’t want dessert.

Some never taste the cake. Some devour so much they become obese and throw their weight around trying to bully others.

Cake is not real food no matter how sweet it taste or pretty and artistic it looks. We will survive quite nicely without it.

The point is none of this is real. Our essence is beyond cake.

What's a Personal Ceremony?

2010-02-16T12:44:00.000-08:00

A personal ceremony is one that’s created just for you, your needs, your wishes. Maybe you have something to release and you want to do it in a profound and important way. Have a ceremony!

There are two recent situations that have come up that are great examples of out-of-the-box ceremonies that resulted in healing and happiness. One was created to clear emotional and physical abuse from the psyche and to clear the way for a new loving relationship. What a great event!

Another situation had to do with healing and re-bonding an entire family. A client came to me dreading a family reunion that was to occur the following month. She told me that it seemed as if every time her relatives would get together, there would be bickering, back stabbing, dredging up the past, and hateful comments.

I’m sure you know what I’m talking about - if it hasn’t happened in your family, it’s happened to someone you know or you’ve seen it on TV. Have you ever noticed when you’re watching a family squabble on TV it’s funny, but when it happens to you it’s not?

So, she HAD to go to this family reunion or she’d never hear the end of it (you know how that goes as well, I’m sure).

I asked for a great deal of information so that I could get to the core of the situation and create a ceremony that everyone would take part in, not be too far out, be meaningful, not offensive, yet accomplish the desired results. She wanted everyone to get along and to appreciate each other.

There was one more ingredient. The reunion was several states away and I would not be able to be present. No problem. The solution was a conference room and a speaker phone.

I produced a forgiveness and an appreciation ceremony based on Ho’oponopono and the Burning Bowl. Did it work? Rather than take my word of “Yes, it was a huge success,” let me copy here a note I received from one of the relatives:

Dear Rev. Phran,

Thank you for taking the time out of your weekend to conduct that ‘cleansing experience.’ My wife and I found it very helpful to ‘erase our blackboard.’ It truly rounded out the celebration for the family! We really appreciate the time, effort, and leadership you gave to us and our family. God bless you!

Sincerely,
Ron & Debbie S.

Whatever you would like to celebrate, clear, cleanse, release, or forgive, I can write a personal ceremony about it for you – which is a perfect way to mark the event with a positive and momentous experience!

Burning Bowl

2010-01-26T09:34:00.000-08:00

Burning Bowl is a releasing ceremony that could be done at any time, at the completion of a year or during a prenuptial party. Simply put, you write down what you want to release and you burn the paper.

Too simple?

Think about that for a moment. You travel through life, day after day, and sooner or later you’re going to do something that you wished you hadn’t, or you develop a habit that is now annoying, or you hold a grudge, or you hurt someone or yourself. Personally, I don’t have to think too long to find something that I wish wasn’t a part of me, my thinking pattern, my life, or my personality.

Granted, writing something down and burning up the paper is not going to physically do much more than making a pile of ashes. But, symbolism carries a mighty punch: shaking hands, giving a hug, waving a whole hand, or just one finger. They’re all symbols that lead you to feel a certain way.

In order to write something down on this paper, you have to think about what you want to release. What bugs you about yourself? You’ll never know if you don’t stop and think. And don’t give me that “I don’t want to stop and I don’t want to think” routine! If you don’t take out the garbage your house is going to smell. If you don’t clear out your mind occasionally, your thoughts will stink as well.

So, the first part of the process is to stop and quiet yourself, pull in your energies and breathe consciously. This is also called “centering.” You’re not doing any thinking yet, you’re settling in and preparing yourself. No thinking yet, just breathing and being quiet. You may want to close your eyes or play some soft music to help you relax and gather your thoughts.

Take your time. Let me repeat that. Take your time. You have all the time there is. If you’re rushing, one of your problems may be rushing. Give yourself a break. No pushing, pulling, kicking or screaming either.

Do you want to be calmer? Want more patience? Release what makes you frustrated. Want more happiness? Release what makes you sad. Some days you have to decide to be happy and not leave it to chance. If you get upset, choose again.

When you think of something that you don’t want to do, or have, or be anymore, write that item down on your paper. Go on to the next thought and write that down.Take whatever time you need. This is your time for you.

The next step is to actually burn the paper. Only burn the paper – not your fingers, sleeve, table or house. Choose a safe receptacle in a safe place, preferably outside. Have water ready or a wet towel in case of an accident.

As you light the paper mentally release the thoughts that are written. Give yourself another chance to make amends, to be a little different, to grow and expand in wisdom and integrity. Make sure the paper is completely burned and the fire is out before you walk away.

No, burning the paper will not make you better, richer, taller or thinner. What it will do is to help you bring to mind what would benefit you to change in your life. You can’t rectify anything that you won’t acknowledge. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing and expecting a different result.

Finally, go celebrate! You’ve done some very good work. Congratulate yourself. You are your own best friend. Treat yourself kindly and say nice things to the person looking back at you every morning in the mirror. The Burning Bowl ceremony could be performed singly, in a group setting, by itself, combined, or within another ceremony.

Live life to the fullest. It's yours to enjoy.

What is necessary in a marriage ceremony?

2009-12-19T13:02:00.000-08:00

Since we’re only talking about the ceremony itself, we’ll not go into the legal aspects. That’s another blog.

What is actually necessary is for the man to want to marry that woman, for the woman to want to marry that man and to agree for it to happen right then. That’s it. The rest of it is fluff.

That means that you get to have the whole, entire ceremony exactly as you want to have it. Fluff means you can play with “the rules”. You can be as solemn, as dignified, as creative and unique as you wish; even inject humor! Your only limits are if you belong to a particular church, religion, or sect that has specific rituals or wording that must be adhered to in the rules of that organization.

When you plan your own wedding ceremony, you can have a favorite person do a reading, sing or play a song, write your own meaningful vows, incorporate other ceremonies with the service (see my list under “Additional Ceremonies”), do a dance, release birds or balloons, have a theme wedding and include costumes for the bridal party or for everyone.

If you’re not sure of what you want you may have an idea of what you don’t want. Fine! Work from that end. It’s nice to take other people’s desires into consideration but on your wedding day YOU come first.

The most important thing to remember is to seek a minister who is willing to work with you. Maybe you want lots of prayers or maybe you don’t want any prayers. Every person has their own viewpoint, including the minister, but it should not infringe on yours. After all it’s YOUR wedding and above all you want it to reflect your tastes, wishes and desires.

I strongly suggest meeting the minister face to face in a personal consultation or at least speaking with them on the phone to see if you’re compatible. You always have options and you always have choices. Choose the minister you want to say the “magic words” to pronounce you husband and wife.

Ceremony of Champions

2009-11-12T12:43:00.000-08:00

This is a good example of how a ceremony can be written to celebrate any occasion, an accomplishment, or any life-affirming event.

Priscilla (fictitious name) had been through chemo, radiation, a double mastectomy, and reconstructive surgery - and had become cancer free! Her friends and family wanted to celebrate her, her struggles, her life and her victories. They had been there for her, cried, laughed, baked bread, brought food, watched movies, and prayed.

At the same time, all of them had walked through their own fires of hell at some point in their lives, separately and together. In considering such a ceremony, it also caused everyone involved to internally reflect on what they had overcome to achieve their own personal victories in life, and they realized in their hearts that they were all champions, because they had gotten through those challenges and grown from them. They all needed - and deserved - to be appreciated and celebrated! A place was chosen, a date was set. Each person was asked to bring a small symbol of themselves or their accomplishments.

That night, when all were assembled, we opened with a prayer of gratitude for everyone present. One by one, each person in turn came to the “altar” to place their symbol and tell their story. Many tissues were passed among the circle.

We entered into a guided meditation in preparation for the Burning Bowl, to help reveal the next blocks that each person needed to release in order to move on to the next phase of their life. After the meditation, the obstacles were recorded on paper, taken outside, and placed in the fire as a sign of willingness to let go of fears, frustrations, and self criticisms.

The group reassembled, with each person receiving the gift of a candle with a personal message. As each gift was opened, the message was shared, thoughts were shared, hugs were shared. Again, the tissues were passed around the circle.

The ceremony ended with a heartfelt prayer, but the celebration continued with food, drink, and camaraderie!

Life is to live, to experience, and to celebrate.

Wedding Rings - the Tradition

2009-10-05T15:08:00.000-07:00

One of the earliest symbols of marriage, and one that we still use today, is the wedding ring. You may well ask, “But how did it start?”

Centuries ago in Egypt, rings were twisted or braided from reeds - the same reeds from which Egyptian “paper” or papyrus was made. Since a ring (or circle) has no beginning and no end, it represented eternity. The center hole symbolized things known and unknown. When a lover gave a ring, it was in the hopes that the love would be eternal, without end, like the ring. The problem was that the reed ring would only last about a year at best.

When metal was introduced, iron became the chosen material. The ring now had the added symbol of strength. The strong man gave his woman the iron ring so their love would have the strength of iron. But, eventually the iron ring rusted.

Before coinage, the legal tender was gold rings. If a man gave a woman a gold ring, it proved that he trusted her with his wealth. The chosen woman would wear the marriage ring on the third finger of the left hand because it was believed that a vein traveled from that finger directly to the heart.

Along comes Maxmillian, the Archduke of Austria. He desired Mary of Burgundy as his wife and wanted to give her a gift she couldn’t refuse. Upon consulting his counselors, he was advised to give her a diamond ring. He did. She accepted. And thus, the precedent was set for diamond rings as engagement rings.

Many gems were rare, but the diamond was chosen because it was the stone of Venus, the Goddess of Love – and rightly so, because the brilliant diamond carried a fire in its depths that would go on forever.

However, diamonds were so rare that they were only available to the very rich, until the 1800’s, when a huge diamond mine was discovered in South Africa. Several decades later, in the 1900’s, a method was devised to cut the stones in little pieces and mass market them to the general public. Now it was possible for almost anyone to buy a diamond ring. It might be miniscule, but it WAS a diamond - proof of unending love.

In this fast-changing world, I wonder when it will become common for women to give men diamond engagement rings?

The Sand Ceremony

2009-09-22T12:45:00.000-07:00

A very popular addition to wedding services is the Sand Ceremony. It’s usually performed by the bride and groom, each having a vial of sand of their chosen color, and pouring it at the same time into some sort of a container. You may have heard about it or seen it performed. It’s very symbolic in that each person, represented by their color of sand, is willing to pour themselves forth to be joined by the other person, represented by their color of sand, to create a new color, a new item, a new family.

At least that’s the basic idea of the ceremony.

Whenever someone mentions Sand Ceremony, I immediately think of this one particular couple. If you asked their names, I would have to say Barbie and Ken. (You remember Barbie & Ken!?) She was thin, lithe, blond and beautiful. He was gorgeous, so handsome in his perfectly fitted tux. Standing together, they were radiant; fairly glowing in their love for each other.

Fast forward to the “sand” time in the ceremony. They gracefully process to the small, draped, table that holds her vial of blue sand to represent peace and his vial of red sand to represent love, or passion. Together they pick up their vials, together they start pouring and mingling their sand. And then I notice that his hand is still poised but no longer tipping. She keeps pouring, then realizes he isn’t, looks up at him and down again at the vial. He returns her look and smiles, letting a few grains of sand fall. She continues to pour. He holds his own, so to speak.

Again, she lovingly looks up at him and down at the vial. Again he lets a few more grains of sand fall. A few more desperate darts of her eyes back and forth, forth and back. Now she is out of sand.

Dump, goes his sand. The last half vial of bright red sand squarely sits on top of hers. Exactly what is he trying to tell her? Maybe he feels that his passion is enough to overcome any obstacle. Maybe the sand was damp and wouldn’t pour. I don’t know. I didn’t ask.

The Sand Ceremony usually works out very nicely and the couple has a new, beautiful container filled with a symbol of their union which they put in a place of honor in their new home.

This ceremony may also be written to include the parents. But I’ll leave that story for another blog, another time.