Make Your Day

No, this is not a takeoff on Clint Eastwood.  But wait a minute.  If you think about Clint Eastwood, why is he so special? Even if you are not a huge fan of his, you have to admit that dude has lasted a long time in the movie business and is still going strong.

How does the C.E. concept relate to YOUR wedding and, more specifically, YOUR wedding ceremony?  Clint Eastwood puts his own spin, his own brand of acting, of thinking, on everything he does on the screen.  He considers all the details leaving nothing to chance verified by his directing expertise. 

Put it this way.  Mega time, effort and expense goes into the 4 hour time slot of Wedding Day but how much thought is put forth in creating the ceremony that produces the magic words to pronounce you wife and husband?

Did you notice how weird wife and husband sounded as opposed to husband and wife?  My point exactly.  It’s the details.  I used the same words but had the audacity to switch their order.  The details make the difference between blah and spectacular.

My goal is to see to it that you have a magnificently memorable perfect ceremony.  One that is perfect for you.  To achieve that masterpiece I ask questions.

There have been couples sitting on my comfy couch in my home office who were shocked at their mate’s response when I asked about including a particular component in the service.  At the same time, one would answer “no” and the other would say, “Absolutely YES” producing stupefying looks all around.


For example, recently there have been a few brides who wanted the question “Who gives this woman to this man in marriage?” asked at the beginning of the ceremony.  Usually the father desires that honor.  Sometimes both parents answer.   One woman had her 2 sons respond, “We do.” However, for the previous 10 years only a handful of brides requested the inclusion.  Traditions come back around.  Go figure!

That’s why I love my job.  Its such fun!  I revel in the pleasure of meeting new people with unique points of view.  My focus is always, “What do YOU want in your wedding ceremony?”  Sure, I have lots of ideas but that is all they are – my thoughts.  Those ideas and thoughts do not get incorporated into the service unless the bride and groom totally agree that to do so would reflect their ideals and be a part of their vision.

You could be one of many that have no idea what so ever of what a ceremony is all about, why it is necessary in the first place, and who cares anyway.

That would be like going to a florist and saying, “Send over some flowers.”  Well.  How many flowers, what kind, what budget, when, where…..etc.  Or, “Send me a dress to wear at my wedding.”  What size, length, color, style, price…..etc.


The florist, the dressmaker and I ask questions to determine what is suitable, which is the best plan of action, and most importantly, how can I best serve this couple. 

One more piece of advice – shop around.  You shop for flowers, invitations, dresses, music and every item under heaven.  Keep shopping.  Interview Officiants and Ministers.  Find the right one for you.  And BTW, the consultation should be free.  If it isn’t say, “Thank you very much” and hang up or leave if you’re already there.

Clint Eastwood and I go hand in hand in saying, “Make my day.”  You make my day by allowing me to make your day, when I create for you your Perfect Ceremony.

Go ahead.  Make Your Day.

Wedding Vows

Many times when I ask couples during a consultation if they want to write their own vows I get that deer in a headlight look on at least one if not both faces.

If you think about what vows actually are meant to be its not that scary.  When you were first in love with each other and contemplating living together you thought all those wonderful thoughts that if you think about them again would make perfect vows.

Picture this:  You are facing the one you love, holding their hands, looking into eyes that you are sure are sending love to you.  What is it that you love about this person? How do you treat this person right now and are you willing to treat them the same tomorrow?  Are you willing to take care of them if they needed something or were sick?

Vows are not your life story.  They are about the present moment, how you feel toward this person you’re going to spend many hours, days and years with.  If you want your new life together to be happy, emphasize the positive and forget about the negative.

Still not getting any words or sentences popping up?  Let me give you a few more suggestions.  You may get an idea to jump start your creative process. Here are a few vows others have used….

1)  Before these witnesses I, _____________, vow to love you, __________, and care for you as long as we both shall live. I take you, with all your faults and your strengths, as I offer myself to you with my faults and my strengths. I will help you when you need help, and will turn to you when I need help. I choose you as the person with whom I will spend my life.

2)  I love you ______ with all my heart and soul, as you are everything that I could ever hope to find in a woman/man. You are loving, thoughtful, caring, smart, and beautiful/handsome in my eyes and your love always makes me feel like the happiest and luckiest man/woman alive. I am proud to have you as my life's partner and I promise that I will always be at your side, through good and bad, and give you everything that is in my power to grant to assure your health and happiness for as long as I live. I am yours forever.

3)  Today I will marry my friend, the one I will live with, dream with, and love. I, ____________, take you, __________, to be my husband/wife. From this day forward I will cherish you. I will look with joy down the path of our tomorrows knowing we will walk it together side by side, hand in hand and heart to heart.

4)  I, __________, promise to love you, ___________, above all others and to value your friendship as a precious gift. I look forward to raising our family and building our relationship under the care and guidance of God. I promise to stand beside you in sickness or health, in times of prosper and decline, in peace and in turmoil, as long as we both shall live.

5) Celtic wedding vow:
I pledge my love to you, and everything that I own.  I promise you the first bite of my meat and the first sip from my cup.  I pledge that your name will always be the name I cry aloud in the dead of night.  I promise to honor you above all others.  Our love is never-ending, and we will remain, forevermore, equals in our marriage.  This is my wedding vow to you.

6)  Irish wedding vow said by bride and groom together:
We swear by peace and love to stand,
Heart to heart and hand to hand.
Mark, O Spirit, and hear us not,
Confirming this our Sacred Vow.

7)  Traditional wedding vows:
I, _________, take thee, ________, for my lawful wedded wife/husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health as long as we both shall live.

You may find a smidge of inspiration in reading these plus there are more online. Just remember – they are YOUR vows, they don’t have to be the same as your mate’s.  Speak the words in your heart and your vows will be perfect.

Why Choose Me As Your Officiant?

There are many Officiants and Ministers around and about and I have no idea of what you are looking for.  What I can tell you is what I do, how I build a ceremony, and why.

My focus is always on the couple for whom I am creating the ceremony.  I have to know something about them, their beliefs, background, family, relationships, how they think, how, when and where they met and how they really feel about each other.

When I sit and talk to a couple for an hour it’s easy for me to determine where they are coming from and what they envision on their wedding day.  Not being one to trust my memory, I have created a form I fill out with them to cover the pertinent information.

Right off the bat, when I ask for their address, I know if they are living together which could open up an interesting conversation.

Another leading question is to inquire if their parents will attend the ceremony.  Then I know to ask if they want to honor the parents or mothers during the service or would a memorial be more appropriate.  Maybe one or all are remarried and, if so, are they all talking to each other? 

The next obvious item is about children.  There could be his, hers and theirs and will they attend?  If the children attend will they be included in the proceedings?  The usual recommendation is to include all children. However, in some instances, inclusion would not be for the highest good of all involved.

Are there favorite people, relatives or friends, who are not in the wedding party for one reason or another that the couple would wish to honor or mention somehow?  There are several ways that could be easily accomplished.  There could be a verbal tribute or a flower given as a gift; the person could come forward and read a verse, a personal poem, sing or play an instrument.

And we haven’t even gotten into the actual ceremony yet!

I have to say 2 things right here right now.  1, I love doing weddings.  I’ve been often told that my passion shows.  2, each and every fully personalized ceremony, written by me is not like any other ceremony that I have ever performed. 

Every thought, prayer, message, passage, poem, blessing and announcement must match the couple for whom I will pronounce husband and wife.  A marriage is a life changing event.  Even when the couple has been living together, something changes within them.  They are not and will never be the same again.  Ever.  This responsibility is serious and I definitely take it personally.

I have created brand new additions that fulfill a request from the bride or groom.  For instance – one bride wanted to create a time box to be opened on their first anniversary.  Another unique event was a surprise wedding when I appeared as another BBQ guest until the right time and then set the stage for the ceremony complete with wishing stones.

There have been several religions and cultures woven into a single wedding tapestry; prayers for atheists; house blessings incorporated and weddings that have followed funerals and national disasters.

Every component is weighed and measured to see if it fits the couple.  Parts are deleted, new ones created, phrases rewritten, words pondered over.  You should see the condition of my current thesaurus! It’s my most prized book.

When the realization dawned on me of what was constantly occurring, it became a new tag line: For a ceremony as unique as you!  And that is what I love to do. 

I love to meet with the couple.  Hear what they have to say.  Ask questions.  Listen some more.  Observe their interactions. Watch their reactions.  Add it all up using intuition as the common denominator.  All of the above is brought into a meditative state and out pops a brand new unique ceremony written with a passion that shines through the bride and groom and overflows to each and every guest.

There is no one in the world quite like you.  There is not another couple quite like you and your fiancé.  And YOU deserve a ceremony as unique as you!

As Unique As You

You’re getting married to the one person in the world who is totally right for you. You’re not the same, of course, but compatible enough and different enough to bring both longevity and excitement to your marriage. The day is fast approaching when you will be pronounced husband and wife. What will that special ceremony be like?

Keep in mind, that the few requirements are very simple – you both want to be married, you both want to be married to each other, you both want to be married to each other on the wedding date chosen, and you both agree to all of that. All the rest is fluff. You can do or say or sing whatever you like, or dance and wear a cake on your head if that’s what will make your day memorable.

What does the Officiant of choice offer to you? Can they make up a ceremony that is strictly unique to you and perhaps never before done? In other words, can you work with this person and feel comfortable to ask them what they know or if they will “do it your way”?

Many couples like to include a Unity Candle. You can have a candle with one wick and both of you light it at the same time. You can have one candle with two wicks and each light your own. How about having 2 pillar candles tied together? The candles could be different colors or the same color. They could be tied with a sash, twine, wide to narrow ribbon, two different color ribbons or many ribbons woven or braided together.

Wait! I’m not finished. The mothers could light your personal tapers at the start of the ceremony to symbolize giving you birth by lighting your light. You would use those candles to light the Unity Candle (of choice) and then leave your own candle lit to represent that you will continue as a whole person as you deepen your relationship with each other.

If there are children involved they could be included in the candle lighting. There is a beautifully choreographed move, quickly taught, in which all of you light the wick at exactly the same time that symbolizes all of you becoming one family. Or for something totally different, use floating candles.

And that’s just exploring the possibilities of candle lighting.

When the couples that I marry want to include sand pouring to represent themselves becoming one as the grains of sand mix and mingle to become inseparable I suggest they each choose their own particular color. At the appropriate time, as they are about to pour and blend the sand, I speak of each color, what it means and how it perfectly represents the person.

The sand pouring is a great ceremony to add when children are involved. They each have their own color which has its own meaning. Each child is called by name and their virtues made known.

In one wedding I performed, both the bride and groom had 3 sons ranging in age from 6 to 12 which meant 8 people would be pouring sand. (Could be a masterpiece or could be a mess!) With a little planning and a lot of rehearsing it was a masterpiece. I’ll tell you how we engineered it.

Each one knew their color and exactly where it would be placed on the oblong table. The ornamental bowl was in the middle. The bride stood at the left end of the table, the groom stood at the right end of the table. Her 3 boys stood at one length of the table and his 3 boys on the other side of the table.

The father/groom poured half of his sand and the mother/bride poured half of her sand into the ornamental bowl. As each boy’s name was called he poured all of his sand into the bowl. When all the boys had their turn, the bride and groom poured their remaining sand at the same time into the bowl. I’m sure you understand the symbolism. It was a magnificent masterpiece! We concluded with a hand holding ceremony in which all 8 of them formed a circle around the table by holding each other’s hand while a poem was read.

There are dozens and dozens of ceremonies you can include to have a uniquely you wedding. Without going into detail there is water pouring and drinking, wine pouring and drinking, glass breaking, wishing stones, broom jumping, giving of coins, several with flowers, roses being a favorite.

You can add Memorials to call to mind and honor those that have passed on. A Memorial may also be for those who cannot attend for whatever reason. There are many versions of Parental Honoring and others in praise of mothers.

The above barely skims the surface. In this year of possibilities there is no end to the list of ways to personalize your ceremony in the manner in which suits you best. Just ask and you shall receive.

These Are The Hands

Have you ever given much thought to your hands? I mean besides noticing they’re dry or rough and reaching for the lotion. Well, I was thinking about mine and not only what they do for me but how many times hands are referred to in everyday speech.

“Give me a hand” really means that I’d like your help with this, whereas “Give her a hand!” probably means to applaud the lady. OK, applaud is often said as, “Put your hands together now…” to show that you liked or agreed with what the person did or said.

How about “show me your hands”? That depends on who said it. Was it a cop or a mom? “You’re pretty handy” is a complement for completing a project of some kind from knitting to decorating a cake to hanging a picture or tearing down a wall.

Two sayings come to mind – “Don’t bite the hand that feeds you” warns you not to hurt the very person who is helping you, and, “The only way to hold onto love is with an open hand” which translates to when you truly love someone you’ll give them the freedom to live their own life while you’re living your life to the fullest.

What picture comes to mind when I say:

• Take my hand
• Hold you in my hands
• Strong hands
• Tiny hands
• Hold hands
• Loving hands
• Hand of compassion
• Gentle hands
• Shake hands
• Shaking hands

In many of the weddings I write the couples request a Hand Holding or a Hand Fasting ceremony (2 totally different additions). Brides and grooms want to exalt hands because that is often and usually the first form of physical contact made between two people and they want to honor their first contact.

Let me share with you one of the poems I use in a hand holding ceremony. I did not originally write this and truthfully have no idea who did, but, here it is. You may want to incorporate it into your wedding ceremony.

These Are The Hands

These are the hands that will work along side you as together you build your future.
These are the hands that will passionately love you and cherish you through the years, and with the slightest touch will comfort you like no other.
These are the hands that will hold you when fear or grief temporarily comes your way.

These are the hands that will countless times wipe the tears from your eyes, tears of sorrow and tears of joy.
These are the hands that will give you support and encouragement to chase down your dreams.

These are the hands that will hold you tight as you struggle through difficult times.
These are the hands that will give you strength when you need it.
These are the hands that will lift your chin and brush your cheek as they raise your face to look into eyes that are filled with love for you.

And lastly, these are the hands that even when wrinkled and aged will still be reaching for yours, still giving you the same unspoken tenderness with just a touch.

And so, my friend, if I can ever be of service to you, I extend to you my hand.

How To Write a Wedding Ceremony

You may be thinking about writing your own wedding ceremony and wondering what needs to be in it to pronounce you husband and wife. Here it is – you both have to want to marry the other person, admit it, and accept the other person as your spouse.

If you also want the marriage to be legal, you have to have a valid marriage license (see the requirements on another page), have a qualified Officiant present and have it all witnessed by 2 living people.

That is it! Everything else is fluff. There are no magic words. You can say “I do” anyway you want.

Some religions say you have to do it a certain way. If you want to get married in that religion then that’s the way you have to do it. If you don’t want to have those particular words said then you can find another way and have the ceremony some place else. If you insist on getting married in a church, there are churches that will rent their space. A wedding does not have to be in a church, temple, or any specific place to make it holy, sacred, or legal.

If you would like to know how a traditional wedding service goes so that you have an outline to work with, I’ll give you the outline. Just know that you can change any part and move items around to suit yourself. It’s your ceremony.

You start the actual ceremony with the Convocation which is also called the Welcome. That calls everyone together and tells them that they are there because the two of you love each other so much that you want to be married.

The Invocation calls on God, Universal Love, Radiant Presence, or highest dimension of self to place the participants in a reflective and receptive state.

Personal stories, honoring of people who could not attend which is also called a Memorial, and asking “who gives this woman to this man in marriage” is next. You could also have one or more parents light candles at this time.

A Reading of prose, poetry, Bible verse, a contemporary or original writing may be read by someone you would like to honor, or a live singer could dedicate a song to you. (I don’t recommend a recorded version.)

Now comes my favorite part called the Address. It’s where I get to say my blah-de-blah about all the important things you should know before you go any further.

Another reading, additional ceremony, or song could be added here.

If you’re spiritual you may want to include the Consecration which brings the service to a sacred level.

The Expression of Intent is one of the primary factors. It’s when the couple publicly states the intention of their commitment to marriage.

The following 3 components could be combined or be separate: the Blessing or Presentation of the Rings, the Vows, and the Exchange of Rings.

A word about the vows – a vow is what each one of you is offering or promising to the other. If you want to write your own vow, think about what this marriage to this person means to you. What are you offering of yourself to the marriage?

There must also be a place where each person is asked if they, in fact, accept the other person as their spouse, their mate, their partner. Yes, you do have to give them a moment to think about it and answer.

The rings are a token of the vows and a symbol of the love that is shared between two people. A ring is a circle which has no beginning and no end which represents the thought that giving and receiving are the same.

The Pronouncement of Marriage is the public declaration of the formal bonding of husband and wife.

The Kiss, which is most important, seals the deed (so make it a good one).

To round it all out is the Final Blessing or Benediction. This can also be spoken by someone you wish to honor by having them take part in the ceremony.

The Announcement of Mr. & Mrs. So-and-so could be added, saved for the reception or proclaimed in both places.

You can also include all kinds of extra special ceremonies like sand pouring, hand holding or hand fasting, candle lighting, wishing stones, coins, broom jumping, glass breaking, bread eating, flower sharing, etc. You could add something special and unique to the two of you. Just give your Officiant an idea of what you want and she will invent a new tradition for you.

This is the bottom line – it is your wedding, have it as you wish. It will be the Perfect Ceremony for you.

Do You Need A Wedding Rehearsal?

The need for a wedding rehearsal depends on how large you’re planning to have your bridal party. if there will be more than the bride, groom and 2 witnesses standing up there before the Officiant the answer is “yes”, especially if there will be children as flower girls or ring bearers.

If possible, hold the rehearsal only a day or 2 before the wedding so that it’s still fresh in everyone’s mind. You’ll have enough to do on your special day without adding in the rehearsal the morning of. On site is best, of course. But a similar setting will suffice in a pinch. If you are using an alternate site draw a diagram or floor plan of the actual setting and give a copy to all participants so they’ll have a mental image of the scene.

Who should attend? The bride, groom, their parents, grandparents, bridesmaids, groomsmen, (ushers) best man, best lady (maid or matron of honor) flower girls, ring bearers, Officiant and event planner. If there are children involved, have adult supervision for them both at the rehearsal and wedding in case the children need a quite place to rest.

First I’ll give you the traditional procession line-up and then current happenings.

The groom’s family and friends sit on the right. The bride’s on the left. Both front rows are saved for the parents and grandparents of the bride and groom.

Order of entrance after all guests have been seated is:

• Grandmothers and mothers are escorted by usher or groomsman.

1. Grandmother of the groom – followed by grandfather
   
2. Grandmother of the bride – followed by grandfather
3. Mother of the groom – followed by groom’s father
4. Mother of the bride

• Officiant, groom and best man (if no side access available)
• Bridesmaids escorted by groomsmen
• Flower girl(s) and ring bearer
• Best Lady (maid or matron of honor)
• Bride escorted by her father

That’s the traditional way but you could do it any way you like. It’s your wedding. If you’d like the girls to walk in single file then the groomsmen would stay in the front after they sat the grandmothers and mothers or enter from the side.

The bride could be escorted by the groom, her mother, step-father, brother, uncle, sister, grandmother, aunt or walk in alone. The bride could change partners part way down the aisle.

The Officiant could be escorted by the groom. The groom could escort his mother.

Some personal suggestions of my own:
Bride walks on the right of her escort and stops at the end of the front row of seats. As the groom steps forward to meet his bride, the father kisses the bride. The father shakes the groom’s hand and then steps to his left to sit. This way the father is free of the bride’s train. The groom offers his arm or hand to the bride and together they step forward to the Officiant.

When small children are involved they are usually more comfortable sitting rather than standing through out the whole procedure. Show them where they will sit and by whom they will sit. This will be the adult that is responsible for the care and comfort of the child.

Very young children could be walked in by a bridesmaid or the maid or matron of honor. I’ve been in weddings where the couple did not take this into consideration and a father or bystander carried the child down the aisle. Needless to say, the man was not prepared nor dressed for the occasion and it was very awkward.

If you don’t have a wedding or event planner, have someone who can help at the rehearsal and the day of the wedding who will signal each person when to walk, open doors for the bridal party (if applicable) and signal the processional music.

A few other miscellaneous items about “the walk”:

• Each person simply walks to the music rather than step-touch-step-touch. A natural step is more relaxed and less taxing.
• Flowers are carried at the waist/stomach area and not flopped down in front of “you know what”.
• The gentleman, who is escorting a lady, bends his proffered arm at the elbow and his forearm gently rests in front of his waist. That looks better than letting the arm dangle.
• And the last thing is – smile! If you look happy you’ll feel happy.

Dare To Be Different

I’ve been writing and performing some out-of-the-box weddings lately that are inspiring as well as unusual. I’ll tell you about a few of the most recent ones.

A man proposed to the love of his life in the morning. She called me shortly after noon to ask if I would do a wedding on short notice. They applied for and received their license and were married IN a lake that evening of the same day.

I’ll explain a little. The couple wanted a serene outdoor setting and chose one of NC’s beautiful near-by lakes. Attending the service would be the couple, her 2 children and 2 friends as witnesses. As soon as we arrived at the location, the children couldn’t resist the welcoming water, kicked off their shoes and waded in. They didn’t want to come out! So the bride took off her shoes (and pantyhose) and strolled in too. The groom decided it looked like a good idea, popped off his shoes, rolled up his pant legs and meandered in after them. There was no way I was going to stand on the shore so I joined the 4 of them in the water and we laughed all the way through the ceremony. The 2 witnesses dutifully recorded it all on film.

The next outdoor wedding was to take place in a magnificent garden complete with gazebo, pond, foot bridge, exotic flowers and manicured lawn. And then it started to sprinkle. We waited for awhile but the clouds insisted on kissing us with its moisture. The bride remained focused on her garden dream wedding. The chairs were wiped off, umbrellas provided and the wedding party processed in between the raindrops. No one really got wet, just delightfully cooled.

The very next day was a wedding in front of a log cabin. We still had clouds but their purpose was to shield the sun. This was another perfect nature setting. The green lawn sported white chairs draped with golden bows. The center aisle held a white carpet strewn with flower petals. At the end of the aisle stood an exquisite arch covered in flowers and positioned between 2 deep pink crepe myrtle trees in full bloom. On either side of the archway were 2 white columns standing as sentinels, topped with lacy ferns. The bride’s gown was elegant in its simplicity, gently decorated with pearls to match her single string pearl necklace. The ceremony included a hand fasting which extended into a hand holding ceremony. It was just the right touch without being overdone. After the service, a lavish feast of homemade treats was served on the back deck.

The point to remember is, “Whatever you can conceive can be achieved.” In my book, the impossible only takes a little longer.