Why Choose Me As Your Officiant?

There are many Officiants and Ministers around and about and I have no idea of what you are looking for.  What I can tell you is what I do, how I build a ceremony, and why.

My focus is always on the couple for whom I am creating the ceremony.  I have to know something about them, their beliefs, background, family, relationships, how they think, how, when and where they met and how they really feel about each other.

When I sit and talk to a couple for an hour it’s easy for me to determine where they are coming from and what they envision on their wedding day.  Not being one to trust my memory, I have created a form I fill out with them to cover the pertinent information.

Right off the bat, when I ask for their address, I know if they are living together which could open up an interesting conversation.

Another leading question is to inquire if their parents will attend the ceremony.  Then I know to ask if they want to honor the parents or mothers during the service or would a memorial be more appropriate.  Maybe one or all are remarried and, if so, are they all talking to each other? 

The next obvious item is about children.  There could be his, hers and theirs and will they attend?  If the children attend will they be included in the proceedings?  The usual recommendation is to include all children. However, in some instances, inclusion would not be for the highest good of all involved.

Are there favorite people, relatives or friends, who are not in the wedding party for one reason or another that the couple would wish to honor or mention somehow?  There are several ways that could be easily accomplished.  There could be a verbal tribute or a flower given as a gift; the person could come forward and read a verse, a personal poem, sing or play an instrument.

And we haven’t even gotten into the actual ceremony yet!

I have to say 2 things right here right now.  1, I love doing weddings.  I’ve been often told that my passion shows.  2, each and every fully personalized ceremony, written by me is not like any other ceremony that I have ever performed. 

Every thought, prayer, message, passage, poem, blessing and announcement must match the couple for whom I will pronounce husband and wife.  A marriage is a life changing event.  Even when the couple has been living together, something changes within them.  They are not and will never be the same again.  Ever.  This responsibility is serious and I definitely take it personally.

I have created brand new additions that fulfill a request from the bride or groom.  For instance – one bride wanted to create a time box to be opened on their first anniversary.  Another unique event was a surprise wedding when I appeared as another BBQ guest until the right time and then set the stage for the ceremony complete with wishing stones.

There have been several religions and cultures woven into a single wedding tapestry; prayers for atheists; house blessings incorporated and weddings that have followed funerals and national disasters.

Every component is weighed and measured to see if it fits the couple.  Parts are deleted, new ones created, phrases rewritten, words pondered over.  You should see the condition of my current thesaurus! It’s my most prized book.

When the realization dawned on me of what was constantly occurring, it became a new tag line: For a ceremony as unique as you!  And that is what I love to do. 

I love to meet with the couple.  Hear what they have to say.  Ask questions.  Listen some more.  Observe their interactions. Watch their reactions.  Add it all up using intuition as the common denominator.  All of the above is brought into a meditative state and out pops a brand new unique ceremony written with a passion that shines through the bride and groom and overflows to each and every guest.

There is no one in the world quite like you.  There is not another couple quite like you and your fiancé.  And YOU deserve a ceremony as unique as you!

As Unique As You

You’re getting married to the one person in the world who is totally right for you. You’re not the same, of course, but compatible enough and different enough to bring both longevity and excitement to your marriage. The day is fast approaching when you will be pronounced husband and wife. What will that special ceremony be like?

Keep in mind, that the few requirements are very simple – you both want to be married, you both want to be married to each other, you both want to be married to each other on the wedding date chosen, and you both agree to all of that. All the rest is fluff. You can do or say or sing whatever you like, or dance and wear a cake on your head if that’s what will make your day memorable.

What does the Officiant of choice offer to you? Can they make up a ceremony that is strictly unique to you and perhaps never before done? In other words, can you work with this person and feel comfortable to ask them what they know or if they will “do it your way”?

Many couples like to include a Unity Candle. You can have a candle with one wick and both of you light it at the same time. You can have one candle with two wicks and each light your own. How about having 2 pillar candles tied together? The candles could be different colors or the same color. They could be tied with a sash, twine, wide to narrow ribbon, two different color ribbons or many ribbons woven or braided together.

Wait! I’m not finished. The mothers could light your personal tapers at the start of the ceremony to symbolize giving you birth by lighting your light. You would use those candles to light the Unity Candle (of choice) and then leave your own candle lit to represent that you will continue as a whole person as you deepen your relationship with each other.

If there are children involved they could be included in the candle lighting. There is a beautifully choreographed move, quickly taught, in which all of you light the wick at exactly the same time that symbolizes all of you becoming one family. Or for something totally different, use floating candles.

And that’s just exploring the possibilities of candle lighting.

When the couples that I marry want to include sand pouring to represent themselves becoming one as the grains of sand mix and mingle to become inseparable I suggest they each choose their own particular color. At the appropriate time, as they are about to pour and blend the sand, I speak of each color, what it means and how it perfectly represents the person.

The sand pouring is a great ceremony to add when children are involved. They each have their own color which has its own meaning. Each child is called by name and their virtues made known.

In one wedding I performed, both the bride and groom had 3 sons ranging in age from 6 to 12 which meant 8 people would be pouring sand. (Could be a masterpiece or could be a mess!) With a little planning and a lot of rehearsing it was a masterpiece. I’ll tell you how we engineered it.

Each one knew their color and exactly where it would be placed on the oblong table. The ornamental bowl was in the middle. The bride stood at the left end of the table, the groom stood at the right end of the table. Her 3 boys stood at one length of the table and his 3 boys on the other side of the table.

The father/groom poured half of his sand and the mother/bride poured half of her sand into the ornamental bowl. As each boy’s name was called he poured all of his sand into the bowl. When all the boys had their turn, the bride and groom poured their remaining sand at the same time into the bowl. I’m sure you understand the symbolism. It was a magnificent masterpiece! We concluded with a hand holding ceremony in which all 8 of them formed a circle around the table by holding each other’s hand while a poem was read.

There are dozens and dozens of ceremonies you can include to have a uniquely you wedding. Without going into detail there is water pouring and drinking, wine pouring and drinking, glass breaking, wishing stones, broom jumping, giving of coins, several with flowers, roses being a favorite.

You can add Memorials to call to mind and honor those that have passed on. A Memorial may also be for those who cannot attend for whatever reason. There are many versions of Parental Honoring and others in praise of mothers.

The above barely skims the surface. In this year of possibilities there is no end to the list of ways to personalize your ceremony in the manner in which suits you best. Just ask and you shall receive.

Freedom

Every summer we celebrate our independence, our freedom. We make lots of noise by shooting off fireworks and invite great crowds of people to watch us do it. To make sure we remember we’re free we created a holiday called the Fourth of July, less we forget.

Forgetting seems to be a popular way of life. So many people live their lives in a perpetual state of forgetfulness. We’re reminded once a year to be thankful, to give gifts, to send cards, to say “I love you”, to remember our mother and our father.

OK. So we get busy and forget things. But it appears to me that what we’re forgetting is what really matters and what we actually fill our days with is insignificant.

Let’s go back to the original thought of freedom. How free are you? What is freedom anyway? I’m talking about true freedom on the inside like the freedom of a small child. Think about it. When a child is hungry it eats. When a child has had enough to eat it stops eating.

The fact that you may have been slaving away all day to prepare their food is not in their consciousness. As a result, they feel no guilt. They’re full, they stop. Sure we could try to force them to “have a little more, its good for you.” They know it isn’t.

My son and 2 of his friends created the Fun Cult. The three of them were all full adults at the time and realized how seldom people felt free enough to simply play. All games have rules so they made up 3 rules which were: 1, have fun. 2, if your fun is getting in the way of someone else’s fun go have your fun somewhere else. 3, safety. They were adamant about the order. Fun first.

You may worry about what people are going to say if you’re going around being free and having fun all the time. Speaking from experience, I’ll tell you what people will say. They’ll say, “I wish I could do that.”

Being free and living a life of freedom is a state of mind. It has nothing to do with money, job, position, health, wealth or family ties. It has nothing to do with education or lack of one or the 3 r’s – reading, riting, rithmetic.

I’ll tell you what freedom is not. Freedom is not ugly, boring, hurtful, hateful, gory, garish or unkind. Freedom is not putting yourself down and not putting anyone else down either. Freedom is taking care of yourself, loving yourself just as you are, bumps, warts, bags and sags.

Freedom is lifting up, dancing in the rain, laughing at the clouds, spinning in circles if you want to spin in circles. Freedom is being truthful with kindness. Freedom is taking turns which means that sometimes you do come first. Freedom is sharing without short changing yourself.

Freedom starts with me. Same as everything else in my world. When I let myself be free it also gives you permission to be free. When you’re free you give permission for her to be free. When she’s free she gives permission for him to be free. When he and she and them and those are free, well, we’re talking the whole world here aren’t we. And to think it all started with me being free. Who knew?

These Are The Hands

Have you ever given much thought to your hands? I mean besides noticing they’re dry or rough and reaching for the lotion. Well, I was thinking about mine and not only what they do for me but how many times hands are referred to in everyday speech.

“Give me a hand” really means that I’d like your help with this, whereas “Give her a hand!” probably means to applaud the lady. OK, applaud is often said as, “Put your hands together now…” to show that you liked or agreed with what the person did or said.

How about “show me your hands”? That depends on who said it. Was it a cop or a mom? “You’re pretty handy” is a complement for completing a project of some kind from knitting to decorating a cake to hanging a picture or tearing down a wall.

Two sayings come to mind – “Don’t bite the hand that feeds you” warns you not to hurt the very person who is helping you, and, “The only way to hold onto love is with an open hand” which translates to when you truly love someone you’ll give them the freedom to live their own life while you’re living your life to the fullest.

What picture comes to mind when I say:

• Take my hand
• Hold you in my hands
• Strong hands
• Tiny hands
• Hold hands
• Loving hands
• Hand of compassion
• Gentle hands
• Shake hands
• Shaking hands

In many of the weddings I write the couples request a Hand Holding or a Hand Fasting ceremony (2 totally different additions). Brides and grooms want to exalt hands because that is often and usually the first form of physical contact made between two people and they want to honor their first contact.

Let me share with you one of the poems I use in a hand holding ceremony. I did not originally write this and truthfully have no idea who did, but, here it is. You may want to incorporate it into your wedding ceremony.

These Are The Hands

These are the hands that will work along side you as together you build your future.
These are the hands that will passionately love you and cherish you through the years, and with the slightest touch will comfort you like no other.
These are the hands that will hold you when fear or grief temporarily comes your way.

These are the hands that will countless times wipe the tears from your eyes, tears of sorrow and tears of joy.
These are the hands that will give you support and encouragement to chase down your dreams.

These are the hands that will hold you tight as you struggle through difficult times.
These are the hands that will give you strength when you need it.
These are the hands that will lift your chin and brush your cheek as they raise your face to look into eyes that are filled with love for you.

And lastly, these are the hands that even when wrinkled and aged will still be reaching for yours, still giving you the same unspoken tenderness with just a touch.

And so, my friend, if I can ever be of service to you, I extend to you my hand.

The Beauty of The Dance

Let’s talk a moment about life. I love to use analogies. To me life is like a dance.

There is a popular show on TV called “Dancing With the Stars”. You may have seen it. You may be one of the fans that watch it every week. When you simply watch the dancing you’re really not aware of all the hard work that goes into it. Done right the dance flows and looks easy.

You may look at someone else’s life and say the same. “Well, that’s easy for them to do, but, I could never do that, be that, act like that, etc.”

Everyone has their own way of dancing, their own style. We all have our own way of living, our own steps we take to accomplish a task.

To get back to life being like a dance – it never just goes in a straight line. At the very least it goes in a circle taking in the whole room. A dance never is completely still. There is always movement and the movement varies from a small step or a flutter of a hand, to a twirl, or a spin, or a dip.

Like life, dancing goes backward and forward, side to side. Sometimes you get your feet stepped on but you don’t punch the other person out because they stepped on your toes. You move away and keep dancing.

You may even fall down on the dance floor. What then? Do you lie there and moan making a fuss or do you get up again, dust yourself off and keep dancing?

I remember when I was taking Salsa lessons. The advanced members of the class were invited to be filmed while dancing in a beautiful lobby of a huge theater. Of course I went. I loved dancing plus the opportunity to dance in this particular building added to the excitement of being filmed.

There was a little flaw in my thinking. I was expecting a dance floor. Have you ever tried to slide or spin on a carpet? It doesn’t happen. Obviously, I must have had a huge scowl on my face showing all the complaints running around in my head. How could anyone dance under these conditions? What idiot put this mess together? Who on earth _________? Fill in the blank.

After one or two “not fun” dances no one wanted to dance with me. Hmmm, I wonder why? Things were not going my way and I was miffed to say the least.

Ever have a day like that? Of course. We all do. I did say life was like a dance.

Life is all about what you make of it. When the dance of life sweeps you off your feet, get up, dust your self off, find the beat, and start dancing again. if you just sit there on the dance floor you may get trampled by the dancers and then you’ll wonder what happened. Life happened while you weren’t looking.

Dance. However you dance will be beautiful because it’s your dance.

Are You Up or Down?

Normally, I’m full of energy, happy, and believing I can handle anything that comes up in my life. Last week I had an off day. Followed by another which was followed by yet another. One day, ok, we all have off days. But by the fourth day of being lethargic, no motivation, no apparent creativity flowing through my veins, I started looking at what was wrong with me. I couldn’t figure me out.

Finally, I came across the perfect solution. I was looking in the wrong direction.

Where are you looking when you’re driving a car? You’re looking in front of you, of course. You may check your mirrors and glance from side to side but basically you look straight ahead. You have to concentrate on where you are at the moment, where you are on the road now. Not the street you just pulled out of or the street you drove on yesterday. You plan on where you’re going and drive paying attention to where you are.

When you don’t pay attention to what you are currently doing you may very well be involved in an accident.

When I was having so many off days and accidents, I wasn’t paying attention to not getting enough sleep, for one thing. I forgot how important full nights of sleep were.

When I started searching for what I was doing wrong or neglecting in my life I obliterated what was right; disremembering all the good stuff.

You most probably have heard the saying, “Count your blessings”. That was exactly what the cure was. I started to count, number, and add up all that I have. I’m talking abundance. Profound abundance!

There is plenty of air. I’ll never run out of fresh air. All the faucets work in my house so I have plenty of clean water. The roof over my head is solid, no leaks; walls are tight so no drafts. There is food in the refrigerator, freezer, pantry and cabinets, plus pots to cook in and plates to put the food on when it’s done. Then I can sit on a chair at a table to eat.

I have friends who are like family and family who are friends.

You get the idea. If you woke up on the right side of the grass, you have something to be thankful for. Make your own list and add 5 new items for which you are thankful every day. It’s called a Gratitude Journal.

Freedom to Choose Again

The spiritual world, as you would imagine, occupies a fair percentage of my thinking, pondering and contemplating. And it seems to me that this life, this world, is all about choices, i.e. this or that, up or down, light or dark, peace or pain. But, isn’t that what this world, Earth, is all about? Duality. Left and right, hot and cold, night and day, ebb and flow, you and me.

We came here to experience choices. We are so loved and so free that we can choose whatever we want to experience. And change our mind at any time – I might add. Change our mind at any time. We have the freedom to choose again.

Let’s bring that down a little closer. We choose how to handle each moment. We can get irritated when a driver cuts us off in traffic or goes too slow in front of us or we can excuse them because they didn’t know we were in a hurry. I can’t control the other driver but I can control my thoughts about them.

We could choose to be insulted by a remark or not accept the thought into our consciousness. We can turn off the tickle button so we don’t have to writhe on the floor and be in painful laughter (which isn’t funny).

We could pause and hold a door for the person behind us or let it slam in their face. We always have a choice AND we can always choose again and again.

This world is based on time. We can use it to our advantage or let it diminish us. I have the freedom to be blind or to see into my brothers, past their masks and fears and into the deepest corners of their hearts where love lives; where the presence of God is whole and complete, perfect in every way.

How will I choose today? What will I choose to experience?

Jeshua could see the wheat already ripe even as the plant was beginning to grow. He knew the perfection that was and is at the core of every person; that same perfection that was and is in Him. He chose to see health instead of sickness, life instead of death, wholeness, joy, peace, kindness, and love. He simply choose what He wanted to experience. And then did.

No matter what choice I make, I can always choose again and again and again. I have that freedom and so do you.

What's Your River Like?

Mine is White Water.......

Sunday was a great day. I was so excited to be alive and fully living my life. I was ecstatic! I was like a kid filled with Pop Tarts. Life couldn't get better than this.

And then Monday happened. Out of the blue came this massive sucker punch. The rug was pulled out from under me and I was on my face, down for the count.

Tuesday I was still wobbly and knew I had to do some serious meditating. Praying is talking to the Boss. Meditation is listening. The whole point is to not think. So I listened.

After a few minutes I felt "the connection". I don't know how else to explain it. It's God manifesting as Phran. Don't get me wrong. I'm not being God. God is being me and I am in complete co-operation with the experience that God would like to have as me.

It was pointed out that "we" have chosen an alive, pulsating, sometimes wild and dangerous, butt-whipping river to ride. There are smooth flat places when we can rest and enjoy the beautiful, spectacular scenery. But around any bend the land could pitch, rocks can appear big and bold or sneakily hide just below the surface where you can't easily see them.

Put that together and you have foaming, roiling, breathtaking White Water. And when you least expect it - a waterfall. YA-HOOOO!

I always have the choice to simply sit in the canoe and get bashed and tossed about, or take up my paddle, use my muscles and brain to ride the river.

Life, or a river, no matter how rough or wild the ride is not to succumb to but to relish, dig into, be a part of and go with to the end. It doesn't matter if you lose your shirt or break a paddle. Whoop it up and enjoy your journey!

PS. I got out of my funk and will live my life to the fullest - white water or flat water, I'll take what comes up.