How To Write a Wedding Ceremony

You may be thinking about writing your own wedding ceremony and wondering what needs to be in it to pronounce you husband and wife. Here it is – you both have to want to marry the other person, admit it, and accept the other person as your spouse.

If you also want the marriage to be legal, you have to have a valid marriage license (see the requirements on another page), have a qualified Officiant present and have it all witnessed by 2 living people.

That is it! Everything else is fluff. There are no magic words. You can say “I do” anyway you want.

Some religions say you have to do it a certain way. If you want to get married in that religion then that’s the way you have to do it. If you don’t want to have those particular words said then you can find another way and have the ceremony some place else. If you insist on getting married in a church, there are churches that will rent their space. A wedding does not have to be in a church, temple, or any specific place to make it holy, sacred, or legal.

If you would like to know how a traditional wedding service goes so that you have an outline to work with, I’ll give you the outline. Just know that you can change any part and move items around to suit yourself. It’s your ceremony.

You start the actual ceremony with the Convocation which is also called the Welcome. That calls everyone together and tells them that they are there because the two of you love each other so much that you want to be married.

The Invocation calls on God, Universal Love, Radiant Presence, or highest dimension of self to place the participants in a reflective and receptive state.

Personal stories, honoring of people who could not attend which is also called a Memorial, and asking “who gives this woman to this man in marriage” is next. You could also have one or more parents light candles at this time.

A Reading of prose, poetry, Bible verse, a contemporary or original writing may be read by someone you would like to honor, or a live singer could dedicate a song to you. (I don’t recommend a recorded version.)

Now comes my favorite part called the Address. It’s where I get to say my blah-de-blah about all the important things you should know before you go any further.

Another reading, additional ceremony, or song could be added here.

If you’re spiritual you may want to include the Consecration which brings the service to a sacred level.

The Expression of Intent is one of the primary factors. It’s when the couple publicly states the intention of their commitment to marriage.

The following 3 components could be combined or be separate: the Blessing or Presentation of the Rings, the Vows, and the Exchange of Rings.

A word about the vows – a vow is what each one of you is offering or promising to the other. If you want to write your own vow, think about what this marriage to this person means to you. What are you offering of yourself to the marriage?

There must also be a place where each person is asked if they, in fact, accept the other person as their spouse, their mate, their partner. Yes, you do have to give them a moment to think about it and answer.

The rings are a token of the vows and a symbol of the love that is shared between two people. A ring is a circle which has no beginning and no end which represents the thought that giving and receiving are the same.

The Pronouncement of Marriage is the public declaration of the formal bonding of husband and wife.

The Kiss, which is most important, seals the deed (so make it a good one).

To round it all out is the Final Blessing or Benediction. This can also be spoken by someone you wish to honor by having them take part in the ceremony.

The Announcement of Mr. & Mrs. So-and-so could be added, saved for the reception or proclaimed in both places.

You can also include all kinds of extra special ceremonies like sand pouring, hand holding or hand fasting, candle lighting, wishing stones, coins, broom jumping, glass breaking, bread eating, flower sharing, etc. You could add something special and unique to the two of you. Just give your Officiant an idea of what you want and she will invent a new tradition for you.

This is the bottom line – it is your wedding, have it as you wish. It will be the Perfect Ceremony for you.

A Conversation With God

I’ve been reading Neale Donald Walsch’s book, “Friendship with God”. Neale is the one who wrote the original “Conversations with God” books.

I had my own conversation with God this morning as I sat in meditation. I saw myself “baring my soul” standing before God, wondering why I wasn’t making more of myself, why I wasn’t “advancing” more rapidly, asking how I could be bigger-better-stay-centered-longer, etc.

God listened and then stepped inside of me to have a look around. His reply was, “Everything looks fine to me. Nothing wrong here. Nothing to be fixed.”

He invited me to sit down at this little round café table and have a cup of coffee; to take a moment to chat. I’m not going to argue with God! I like coffee. I can sit and chat; take a moment with my BFF.

God talked to me in pictures. She showed me myself scrambling up a mountain, slipping in mud and sliding down. The frame froze while she looked at me. The unspoken questions were: What now? What are you going to do? What does this mean?

The answer was, “When you find yourself sliding around in mud, play in the mud and enjoy yourself”! If you find yourself up to your ears, splash around and make the best of it – the absolute BEST of it. You have the free choice to laugh or cry. Why, in heaven’s name, would you cry when you can laugh? Why struggle when you can play?

I remember a scene from a Harry Potter movie where Harry, Hermione, and Ron fell down a hole and were entangled in roots that were trying to choke them. Ron was fighting with all of his might to get out and only succeeded in being choked tighter.

Hermione kept saying to relax, relax. As she gave up any thoughts of struggle and relaxed her mind and muscle, she slipped right through the roots to freedom. It seems that struggle only begets more struggle. Or, what you resist persists.

God was telling me that I was fine; there was no thing wrong with me, my situation, or anyone else for that matter. Make the BEST of where you are. Embrace the moment. Love it and forgive it (and yourself too). Above all enjoy yourself. Joy is God’s middle name.

How To Be Happy

There’s a novel idea! Be Happy. Easy enough to say isn’t it? I’ll tell you a little secret that most people either don’t know or don’t believe. Here it is. Each and every morning that you wake up take a moment to decide, right there and then, what kind of a day you would like to have.

That’s it. You can actually decide or choose to be happy. Set the tone of the day right away before something happens to deter you from your goal. Once you have made the decision, stick with it.

Something happened to me the other day that almost knocked me off my feet. If I hadn’t already decided to have a great day I would have been really peeved. (Mildly put, of course.) I was about to explode when I looked at the situation from another point of view and loudly proclaimed, “HAH”. That sounded enough like a laugh to force me to say it again and again until I was actually laughing.

Needless to say, that really took the sting out of the situation. Laugh your tears away. It gets rid of them for good.

If you pause for a moment and think of sitcoms on TV that make you laugh and think again about YOU being in that very same scene having the catastrophe happening to you, you probably wouldn’t laugh at the time. BUT, you might laugh later in the telling of the story.

I love well done slap-stick. One of my favorite movie scenes from “My Cousin Vinny” is when Vinny, played by Joe Pecci, gets out of his convertible after spending the night sleeping in the car in the rain. This was the morning of the day that he had to appear impeccably dressed in front of the judge. Needless to say as soon as his foot came out of the car it landed in a huge mud puddle. For a second he was airborne and then landed flat on his back in the mud. I fell off the couch laughing so hard.

To make matters worse, when he tried to stand up he only flipped over face first in the mud so there wasn’t a clean speck on him. The only way to avoid dieing on the spot is to laugh long, loud and hard at yourself. I would be willing to wager that they had a grand time filming that segment.

Before you pooh-pooh the whole idea, try it. It only has to work once, even for half a day, for you to try it again. What’s the alternative? And why, in the name of heaven, would you purposely choose a rotten day?

Be brave. Take a stand. Why get yanked around by a chain that someone else is holding and pulling? If you are here living a life you may as well enjoy yourself. It’s been said that laughter is the best medicine. It is the cheapest and is guaranteed to make you feel better.

I don’t know about you, but, I’m having a great day! I woke up on the right side of the grass.

DIY - Perform Your Own Personal Ceremony

Do It Yourself. I’ve been a Do It Yourselfer for longer than I can remember. So, it’s easy for me to understand when a person wants to do things for themselves. In fact, I heartily encourage it. I would rather show you how to fish than to give you a fish.

We’re talking about personal ceremonies not legal ceremonies like marriages. Let me give you a few examples of a personal ceremony.

Family Reunions. Those can be joyous or deadly. There was a person who called me dreading her family getting together for a holiday because there was always bickering and back stabbing. As much as she wanted to visit with her relatives, she was that reluctant to go. It also involved a trip of a thousand miles which made it impossible for me to be there.

The solution: I wrote a ceremony for her that she could orchestrate herself. It went so smoothly and beautifully that several family members that I had never met wrote and told me how bonding it was.

End of a relationship. A man had broken up with his live-in partner of several years. He still felt the presence of his partner and wanted to free himself, take back his own space, and at the same time, honor the fun times that were shared. I wrote a ceremony for one. It worked.

Here’s what I can offer you: I will write any type of personal ceremony with clear and concise directions that you or a person of your choosing can easily perform. This is not a legal ceremony. It’s strictly a ceremony or a celebration for you and your family or friends. All ceremonies are personalized and written with your wants, needs and desires in mind. The following is a partial list limited only by your imagination:

New Years Celebration
Burning Bowl
Forgiveness
Family Reunions
House Blessings
Reclaiming Your Space
Release of a Relationship
Starting Over
Your Choice……..

Make your request on the Contact form. I will get back to you to discuss the details. The modest fee of $100 may be paid through PayPal.

Are You Up or Down?

Normally, I’m full of energy, happy, and believing I can handle anything that comes up in my life. Last week I had an off day. Followed by another which was followed by yet another. One day, ok, we all have off days. But by the fourth day of being lethargic, no motivation, no apparent creativity flowing through my veins, I started looking at what was wrong with me. I couldn’t figure me out.

Finally, I came across the perfect solution. I was looking in the wrong direction.

Where are you looking when you’re driving a car? You’re looking in front of you, of course. You may check your mirrors and glance from side to side but basically you look straight ahead. You have to concentrate on where you are at the moment, where you are on the road now. Not the street you just pulled out of or the street you drove on yesterday. You plan on where you’re going and drive paying attention to where you are.

When you don’t pay attention to what you are currently doing you may very well be involved in an accident.

When I was having so many off days and accidents, I wasn’t paying attention to not getting enough sleep, for one thing. I forgot how important full nights of sleep were.

When I started searching for what I was doing wrong or neglecting in my life I obliterated what was right; disremembering all the good stuff.

You most probably have heard the saying, “Count your blessings”. That was exactly what the cure was. I started to count, number, and add up all that I have. I’m talking abundance. Profound abundance!

There is plenty of air. I’ll never run out of fresh air. All the faucets work in my house so I have plenty of clean water. The roof over my head is solid, no leaks; walls are tight so no drafts. There is food in the refrigerator, freezer, pantry and cabinets, plus pots to cook in and plates to put the food on when it’s done. Then I can sit on a chair at a table to eat.

I have friends who are like family and family who are friends.

You get the idea. If you woke up on the right side of the grass, you have something to be thankful for. Make your own list and add 5 new items for which you are thankful every day. It’s called a Gratitude Journal.

Freedom to Choose Again

The spiritual world, as you would imagine, occupies a fair percentage of my thinking, pondering and contemplating. And it seems to me that this life, this world, is all about choices, i.e. this or that, up or down, light or dark, peace or pain. But, isn’t that what this world, Earth, is all about? Duality. Left and right, hot and cold, night and day, ebb and flow, you and me.

We came here to experience choices. We are so loved and so free that we can choose whatever we want to experience. And change our mind at any time – I might add. Change our mind at any time. We have the freedom to choose again.

Let’s bring that down a little closer. We choose how to handle each moment. We can get irritated when a driver cuts us off in traffic or goes too slow in front of us or we can excuse them because they didn’t know we were in a hurry. I can’t control the other driver but I can control my thoughts about them.

We could choose to be insulted by a remark or not accept the thought into our consciousness. We can turn off the tickle button so we don’t have to writhe on the floor and be in painful laughter (which isn’t funny).

We could pause and hold a door for the person behind us or let it slam in their face. We always have a choice AND we can always choose again and again.

This world is based on time. We can use it to our advantage or let it diminish us. I have the freedom to be blind or to see into my brothers, past their masks and fears and into the deepest corners of their hearts where love lives; where the presence of God is whole and complete, perfect in every way.

How will I choose today? What will I choose to experience?

Jeshua could see the wheat already ripe even as the plant was beginning to grow. He knew the perfection that was and is at the core of every person; that same perfection that was and is in Him. He chose to see health instead of sickness, life instead of death, wholeness, joy, peace, kindness, and love. He simply choose what He wanted to experience. And then did.

No matter what choice I make, I can always choose again and again and again. I have that freedom and so do you.

Do You Need A Wedding Rehearsal?

The need for a wedding rehearsal depends on how large you’re planning to have your bridal party. if there will be more than the bride, groom and 2 witnesses standing up there before the Officiant the answer is “yes”, especially if there will be children as flower girls or ring bearers.

If possible, hold the rehearsal only a day or 2 before the wedding so that it’s still fresh in everyone’s mind. You’ll have enough to do on your special day without adding in the rehearsal the morning of. On site is best, of course. But a similar setting will suffice in a pinch. If you are using an alternate site draw a diagram or floor plan of the actual setting and give a copy to all participants so they’ll have a mental image of the scene.

Who should attend? The bride, groom, their parents, grandparents, bridesmaids, groomsmen, (ushers) best man, best lady (maid or matron of honor) flower girls, ring bearers, Officiant and event planner. If there are children involved, have adult supervision for them both at the rehearsal and wedding in case the children need a quite place to rest.

First I’ll give you the traditional procession line-up and then current happenings.

The groom’s family and friends sit on the right. The bride’s on the left. Both front rows are saved for the parents and grandparents of the bride and groom.

Order of entrance after all guests have been seated is:

• Grandmothers and mothers are escorted by usher or groomsman.

1. Grandmother of the groom – followed by grandfather
   
2. Grandmother of the bride – followed by grandfather
3. Mother of the groom – followed by groom’s father
4. Mother of the bride

• Officiant, groom and best man (if no side access available)
• Bridesmaids escorted by groomsmen
• Flower girl(s) and ring bearer
• Best Lady (maid or matron of honor)
• Bride escorted by her father

That’s the traditional way but you could do it any way you like. It’s your wedding. If you’d like the girls to walk in single file then the groomsmen would stay in the front after they sat the grandmothers and mothers or enter from the side.

The bride could be escorted by the groom, her mother, step-father, brother, uncle, sister, grandmother, aunt or walk in alone. The bride could change partners part way down the aisle.

The Officiant could be escorted by the groom. The groom could escort his mother.

Some personal suggestions of my own:
Bride walks on the right of her escort and stops at the end of the front row of seats. As the groom steps forward to meet his bride, the father kisses the bride. The father shakes the groom’s hand and then steps to his left to sit. This way the father is free of the bride’s train. The groom offers his arm or hand to the bride and together they step forward to the Officiant.

When small children are involved they are usually more comfortable sitting rather than standing through out the whole procedure. Show them where they will sit and by whom they will sit. This will be the adult that is responsible for the care and comfort of the child.

Very young children could be walked in by a bridesmaid or the maid or matron of honor. I’ve been in weddings where the couple did not take this into consideration and a father or bystander carried the child down the aisle. Needless to say, the man was not prepared nor dressed for the occasion and it was very awkward.

If you don’t have a wedding or event planner, have someone who can help at the rehearsal and the day of the wedding who will signal each person when to walk, open doors for the bridal party (if applicable) and signal the processional music.

A few other miscellaneous items about “the walk”:

• Each person simply walks to the music rather than step-touch-step-touch. A natural step is more relaxed and less taxing.
• Flowers are carried at the waist/stomach area and not flopped down in front of “you know what”.
• The gentleman, who is escorting a lady, bends his proffered arm at the elbow and his forearm gently rests in front of his waist. That looks better than letting the arm dangle.
• And the last thing is – smile! If you look happy you’ll feel happy.