The Beauty of The Dance

Let’s talk a moment about life. I love to use analogies. To me life is like a dance.

There is a popular show on TV called “Dancing With the Stars”. You may have seen it. You may be one of the fans that watch it every week. When you simply watch the dancing you’re really not aware of all the hard work that goes into it. Done right the dance flows and looks easy.

You may look at someone else’s life and say the same. “Well, that’s easy for them to do, but, I could never do that, be that, act like that, etc.”

Everyone has their own way of dancing, their own style. We all have our own way of living, our own steps we take to accomplish a task.

To get back to life being like a dance – it never just goes in a straight line. At the very least it goes in a circle taking in the whole room. A dance never is completely still. There is always movement and the movement varies from a small step or a flutter of a hand, to a twirl, or a spin, or a dip.

Like life, dancing goes backward and forward, side to side. Sometimes you get your feet stepped on but you don’t punch the other person out because they stepped on your toes. You move away and keep dancing.

You may even fall down on the dance floor. What then? Do you lie there and moan making a fuss or do you get up again, dust yourself off and keep dancing?

I remember when I was taking Salsa lessons. The advanced members of the class were invited to be filmed while dancing in a beautiful lobby of a huge theater. Of course I went. I loved dancing plus the opportunity to dance in this particular building added to the excitement of being filmed.

There was a little flaw in my thinking. I was expecting a dance floor. Have you ever tried to slide or spin on a carpet? It doesn’t happen. Obviously, I must have had a huge scowl on my face showing all the complaints running around in my head. How could anyone dance under these conditions? What idiot put this mess together? Who on earth _________? Fill in the blank.

After one or two “not fun” dances no one wanted to dance with me. Hmmm, I wonder why? Things were not going my way and I was miffed to say the least.

Ever have a day like that? Of course. We all do. I did say life was like a dance.

Life is all about what you make of it. When the dance of life sweeps you off your feet, get up, dust your self off, find the beat, and start dancing again. if you just sit there on the dance floor you may get trampled by the dancers and then you’ll wonder what happened. Life happened while you weren’t looking.

Dance. However you dance will be beautiful because it’s your dance.

The Three Great Love Enders

You find someone. You fall in love. The world is beautiful. And then one day you wake up to find yourself in bed with the evil twin. What happened? How did this relationship get so difficult?

There are 3 main reasons that love is squeezed to death and relationships end.

1. Neediness
2. Expectations
3. Jealousy

Let’s take the first one, neediness. The thought of neediness can drive you to cling, grab, demand and attempt to possess. Doesn’t sound like true love to me. Sounds like a prison.

Love is not a trade-off as in “you do this for me and I’ll do this for you”. Love is giving freely without requirements, stipulations or restrictions. Love is not a make-over as in needing your mate to look a certain way, be a particular weight, act in a prescribed manner, or have long or short hair. What attracted you in the first place? Build on that.

What you think you need from your mate is exactly what you need to give to your mate. And when you give, give freely. If there are strings attached you’re not giving you’re bargaining or conniving or worse – manipulating.

Needs lead right into expectations, the second love ender. Any kind of an expectation sets you up for a disappointment. Even if you get what you expected you wonder and worry if it will last, if it’s real or will it be this good the next time which expands into the next expectation. And the noose gets tighter.

Let me clear something up here. You can have a preference. You can have an intention. You can establish a goal. You can strive as hard as you want to reach it. The key is to accept the outcome; even if the outcome is not what you expected. Go on from there. Accept instead of expect.

Love is holding someone in an open palm. Jealousy is a death grip. Jealousy arises when you don’t trust someone; when you have expectations that are not being fulfilled; when you need them to give you all of their attention. Do you see how this all goes around in a vicious circle?

Being jealous of someone and trying to keep them in a loving relationship is like coating a football with a thick layer of grease. The more you grab, the faster it will slip away.

What you want from someone, from a relationship is exactly what you have to give, what you have to invest in the relationship. Yes, consider it an investment because you’ll get out of it exactly what you are putting into it.

If you want to be trusted you have to trust. If you want freedom you have to give freedom. If you want understanding you have to be understanding. And if you want acceptance you have to accept yourself. Let me say that again. If you want acceptance you have to accept yourself.

Love starts with you. Love yourself for who you are right now, bulges, bumps and warts. Start right now to appreciate the miracle that you are. Forgive yourself for all of your learning experiences for that is what mistakes really are – learning experiences.

When you can accept yourself as you are you’ll find the freedom to be the person you want to be. When you have the freedom to be who you truly are you will easily allow that freedom to extend into all of your relationships.

Let me know how you’re doing. I’d like to hear from you.

How To Write a Wedding Ceremony

You may be thinking about writing your own wedding ceremony and wondering what needs to be in it to pronounce you husband and wife. Here it is – you both have to want to marry the other person, admit it, and accept the other person as your spouse.

If you also want the marriage to be legal, you have to have a valid marriage license (see the requirements on another page), have a qualified Officiant present and have it all witnessed by 2 living people.

That is it! Everything else is fluff. There are no magic words. You can say “I do” anyway you want.

Some religions say you have to do it a certain way. If you want to get married in that religion then that’s the way you have to do it. If you don’t want to have those particular words said then you can find another way and have the ceremony some place else. If you insist on getting married in a church, there are churches that will rent their space. A wedding does not have to be in a church, temple, or any specific place to make it holy, sacred, or legal.

If you would like to know how a traditional wedding service goes so that you have an outline to work with, I’ll give you the outline. Just know that you can change any part and move items around to suit yourself. It’s your ceremony.

You start the actual ceremony with the Convocation which is also called the Welcome. That calls everyone together and tells them that they are there because the two of you love each other so much that you want to be married.

The Invocation calls on God, Universal Love, Radiant Presence, or highest dimension of self to place the participants in a reflective and receptive state.

Personal stories, honoring of people who could not attend which is also called a Memorial, and asking “who gives this woman to this man in marriage” is next. You could also have one or more parents light candles at this time.

A Reading of prose, poetry, Bible verse, a contemporary or original writing may be read by someone you would like to honor, or a live singer could dedicate a song to you. (I don’t recommend a recorded version.)

Now comes my favorite part called the Address. It’s where I get to say my blah-de-blah about all the important things you should know before you go any further.

Another reading, additional ceremony, or song could be added here.

If you’re spiritual you may want to include the Consecration which brings the service to a sacred level.

The Expression of Intent is one of the primary factors. It’s when the couple publicly states the intention of their commitment to marriage.

The following 3 components could be combined or be separate: the Blessing or Presentation of the Rings, the Vows, and the Exchange of Rings.

A word about the vows – a vow is what each one of you is offering or promising to the other. If you want to write your own vow, think about what this marriage to this person means to you. What are you offering of yourself to the marriage?

There must also be a place where each person is asked if they, in fact, accept the other person as their spouse, their mate, their partner. Yes, you do have to give them a moment to think about it and answer.

The rings are a token of the vows and a symbol of the love that is shared between two people. A ring is a circle which has no beginning and no end which represents the thought that giving and receiving are the same.

The Pronouncement of Marriage is the public declaration of the formal bonding of husband and wife.

The Kiss, which is most important, seals the deed (so make it a good one).

To round it all out is the Final Blessing or Benediction. This can also be spoken by someone you wish to honor by having them take part in the ceremony.

The Announcement of Mr. & Mrs. So-and-so could be added, saved for the reception or proclaimed in both places.

You can also include all kinds of extra special ceremonies like sand pouring, hand holding or hand fasting, candle lighting, wishing stones, coins, broom jumping, glass breaking, bread eating, flower sharing, etc. You could add something special and unique to the two of you. Just give your Officiant an idea of what you want and she will invent a new tradition for you.

This is the bottom line – it is your wedding, have it as you wish. It will be the Perfect Ceremony for you.

A Conversation With God

I’ve been reading Neale Donald Walsch’s book, “Friendship with God”. Neale is the one who wrote the original “Conversations with God” books.

I had my own conversation with God this morning as I sat in meditation. I saw myself “baring my soul” standing before God, wondering why I wasn’t making more of myself, why I wasn’t “advancing” more rapidly, asking how I could be bigger-better-stay-centered-longer, etc.

God listened and then stepped inside of me to have a look around. His reply was, “Everything looks fine to me. Nothing wrong here. Nothing to be fixed.”

He invited me to sit down at this little round café table and have a cup of coffee; to take a moment to chat. I’m not going to argue with God! I like coffee. I can sit and chat; take a moment with my BFF.

God talked to me in pictures. She showed me myself scrambling up a mountain, slipping in mud and sliding down. The frame froze while she looked at me. The unspoken questions were: What now? What are you going to do? What does this mean?

The answer was, “When you find yourself sliding around in mud, play in the mud and enjoy yourself”! If you find yourself up to your ears, splash around and make the best of it – the absolute BEST of it. You have the free choice to laugh or cry. Why, in heaven’s name, would you cry when you can laugh? Why struggle when you can play?

I remember a scene from a Harry Potter movie where Harry, Hermione, and Ron fell down a hole and were entangled in roots that were trying to choke them. Ron was fighting with all of his might to get out and only succeeded in being choked tighter.

Hermione kept saying to relax, relax. As she gave up any thoughts of struggle and relaxed her mind and muscle, she slipped right through the roots to freedom. It seems that struggle only begets more struggle. Or, what you resist persists.

God was telling me that I was fine; there was no thing wrong with me, my situation, or anyone else for that matter. Make the BEST of where you are. Embrace the moment. Love it and forgive it (and yourself too). Above all enjoy yourself. Joy is God’s middle name.

How To Be Happy

There’s a novel idea! Be Happy. Easy enough to say isn’t it? I’ll tell you a little secret that most people either don’t know or don’t believe. Here it is. Each and every morning that you wake up take a moment to decide, right there and then, what kind of a day you would like to have.

That’s it. You can actually decide or choose to be happy. Set the tone of the day right away before something happens to deter you from your goal. Once you have made the decision, stick with it.

Something happened to me the other day that almost knocked me off my feet. If I hadn’t already decided to have a great day I would have been really peeved. (Mildly put, of course.) I was about to explode when I looked at the situation from another point of view and loudly proclaimed, “HAH”. That sounded enough like a laugh to force me to say it again and again until I was actually laughing.

Needless to say, that really took the sting out of the situation. Laugh your tears away. It gets rid of them for good.

If you pause for a moment and think of sitcoms on TV that make you laugh and think again about YOU being in that very same scene having the catastrophe happening to you, you probably wouldn’t laugh at the time. BUT, you might laugh later in the telling of the story.

I love well done slap-stick. One of my favorite movie scenes from “My Cousin Vinny” is when Vinny, played by Joe Pecci, gets out of his convertible after spending the night sleeping in the car in the rain. This was the morning of the day that he had to appear impeccably dressed in front of the judge. Needless to say as soon as his foot came out of the car it landed in a huge mud puddle. For a second he was airborne and then landed flat on his back in the mud. I fell off the couch laughing so hard.

To make matters worse, when he tried to stand up he only flipped over face first in the mud so there wasn’t a clean speck on him. The only way to avoid dieing on the spot is to laugh long, loud and hard at yourself. I would be willing to wager that they had a grand time filming that segment.

Before you pooh-pooh the whole idea, try it. It only has to work once, even for half a day, for you to try it again. What’s the alternative? And why, in the name of heaven, would you purposely choose a rotten day?

Be brave. Take a stand. Why get yanked around by a chain that someone else is holding and pulling? If you are here living a life you may as well enjoy yourself. It’s been said that laughter is the best medicine. It is the cheapest and is guaranteed to make you feel better.

I don’t know about you, but, I’m having a great day! I woke up on the right side of the grass.

DIY - Perform Your Own Personal Ceremony

Do It Yourself. I’ve been a Do It Yourselfer for longer than I can remember. So, it’s easy for me to understand when a person wants to do things for themselves. In fact, I heartily encourage it. I would rather show you how to fish than to give you a fish.

We’re talking about personal ceremonies not legal ceremonies like marriages. Let me give you a few examples of a personal ceremony.

Family Reunions. Those can be joyous or deadly. There was a person who called me dreading her family getting together for a holiday because there was always bickering and back stabbing. As much as she wanted to visit with her relatives, she was that reluctant to go. It also involved a trip of a thousand miles which made it impossible for me to be there.

The solution: I wrote a ceremony for her that she could orchestrate herself. It went so smoothly and beautifully that several family members that I had never met wrote and told me how bonding it was.

End of a relationship. A man had broken up with his live-in partner of several years. He still felt the presence of his partner and wanted to free himself, take back his own space, and at the same time, honor the fun times that were shared. I wrote a ceremony for one. It worked.

Here’s what I can offer you: I will write any type of personal ceremony with clear and concise directions that you or a person of your choosing can easily perform. This is not a legal ceremony. It’s strictly a ceremony or a celebration for you and your family or friends. All ceremonies are personalized and written with your wants, needs and desires in mind. The following is a partial list limited only by your imagination:

New Years Celebration
Burning Bowl
Forgiveness
Family Reunions
House Blessings
Reclaiming Your Space
Release of a Relationship
Starting Over
Your Choice……..

Make your request on the Contact form. I will get back to you to discuss the details. The modest fee of $100 may be paid through PayPal.

Are You Up or Down?

Normally, I’m full of energy, happy, and believing I can handle anything that comes up in my life. Last week I had an off day. Followed by another which was followed by yet another. One day, ok, we all have off days. But by the fourth day of being lethargic, no motivation, no apparent creativity flowing through my veins, I started looking at what was wrong with me. I couldn’t figure me out.

Finally, I came across the perfect solution. I was looking in the wrong direction.

Where are you looking when you’re driving a car? You’re looking in front of you, of course. You may check your mirrors and glance from side to side but basically you look straight ahead. You have to concentrate on where you are at the moment, where you are on the road now. Not the street you just pulled out of or the street you drove on yesterday. You plan on where you’re going and drive paying attention to where you are.

When you don’t pay attention to what you are currently doing you may very well be involved in an accident.

When I was having so many off days and accidents, I wasn’t paying attention to not getting enough sleep, for one thing. I forgot how important full nights of sleep were.

When I started searching for what I was doing wrong or neglecting in my life I obliterated what was right; disremembering all the good stuff.

You most probably have heard the saying, “Count your blessings”. That was exactly what the cure was. I started to count, number, and add up all that I have. I’m talking abundance. Profound abundance!

There is plenty of air. I’ll never run out of fresh air. All the faucets work in my house so I have plenty of clean water. The roof over my head is solid, no leaks; walls are tight so no drafts. There is food in the refrigerator, freezer, pantry and cabinets, plus pots to cook in and plates to put the food on when it’s done. Then I can sit on a chair at a table to eat.

I have friends who are like family and family who are friends.

You get the idea. If you woke up on the right side of the grass, you have something to be thankful for. Make your own list and add 5 new items for which you are thankful every day. It’s called a Gratitude Journal.